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Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In this contemporary world, it is observed that most of the schools has replaced the books and other printed form of materials with the technological gadgets like laptops and tablets. However, while these technological advancements have brought several benefits to the world, it can be argued that these developments in the education system would also resulted in negative impacts. This essay agrees that these technological advances have brought many benefits to the world. There are some obvious advantages by using technologies in the schools. To begin with, a student can provide help to save papers by using the other digital modes of learning. To explain, living organism lost their habitat due to the deforestation of trees. For example, a recent study shows that every year a single student used about seven to eight trees just to use paper and other writing materials which in result, caused several environmental issues. Thus, by adopting these technological advancements would make schools much more environmental friendly. Moreover, a technology can provide help to advance learning process through which a student can learn the use of laptop and computers in the modern age. Nevertheless, there are several drawbacks by the use of a new technology. There are certain health issues which can be triggered because of sitting in front of a laptop for long hours. For instance, as per the survey, students who work on paper are physically and mentally better in comparison to those who work with the laptop. As a result, keeping tablets all time for a student can cause several serious health issues. Furthermore, many students can face distraction in their studies by watching irrelevant topics over the internet. In conclusion, even though developments in technology have bought many benefits. I firmly believe that with the replacement of traditional paper related materials provide more advantages to the education as well as to the environment.
In this contemporary world, it
is observed
that most of the schools has replaced the books and other printed form of materials with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
gadgets like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
and tablets.
However
, while these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
advancements have brought several benefits to the world, it can
be argued
that these developments in the education system would
also
The modal verb ‘would’ requires the verb’s base form.
resulted
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
advances have brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to the world.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious advantages by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in the schools. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to save papers by using the other digital modes of learning. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, living organism lost their habitat due to the deforestation of trees.
For example
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that every year a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
about seven to eight trees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
paper and other writing materials which in result, caused several environmental issues.
Thus
, by adopting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
advancements would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
schools much more environmental friendly.
Moreover
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to advance learning process through which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can learn the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
and computers in the modern age.

Nevertheless
, there are several drawbacks by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. There are certain health issues which can
be triggered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of sitting in front of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
for long hours.
For instance
, as per the survey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who work on paper are
physically
and mentally better
in comparison
to those who work with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptop
.
As a result
, keeping tablets all time for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can cause several serious health issues.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can face distraction in their studies by watching irrelevant topics over the internet.

In conclusion
,
even though
developments in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits. I
firmly
believe that with the replacement of traditional paper related materials provide more advantages to the education
as well
as to the environment.

IELTS essay Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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