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numerous persons have join to network a wid basis and a high number of kids play computer games

numerous persons have join to network a wid basis and a high number of kids play computer games 5L8DA
numerous persons have join to network a wid basis and a high number of kids play computer games. consider being one of the most essential issues that had a huge Impact on our lives recently. certainly, we have to be aware since this matter had a played a big role shaping life. The following line will indicate and discuss that clearly and my point of views. There is a tendency to believe that, when we deal with such an important subject, we had to define first all the reasons and facts that is linked and connected to it. Understandably, the significant reasons is many of the children use computer it’s become danger into kids. Most of the family allows kids to use computer cause sometimes parents need some rest, but this is more difficult for children. Aactually, a numerous and rationalised reasons demonstrate this matter. To be more precise, many and various researches and statistics had a totally ensures on the effect of this subject. A good example of that can be seen in support kids that use learning into computer, give our children’s advice or active to development or creative new Idea skills such as speed of answer question, discuss with new people on our country and share the Idea each other’s. In facts, we can’t deny the effect of this subject on our community and how it occupy great part of our lives. In the final analysis we have to be aware about all of the children’s to get positive Idea. I wish the number of the kids less who play computer
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
numerous
persons have
Use past participle here: "joined".
join
to network a
Possible spelling mistake found.
wid
basis and a high number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
play computer games.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consider
being one of the most essential issues that had a huge Impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
recently.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
certainly
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be aware since this matter had a played a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role shaping life. The following line will indicate and discuss that
clearly
and my point of views.

There is a tendency to believe that, when we deal with such an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subject, we had to define
first
all the reasons and facts that
is linked
and connected to it.
Understandably
, the significant reasons is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer it’s become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. Most of the family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
parents need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is more difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Aactually
, a numerous and
Possible spelling mistake. 'rationalised' is British English.
rationalised
reasons demonstrate this matter.

To be more precise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and various researches and statistics had a
totally
ensures on the effect of this subject. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
learning into computer, give our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
advice or active to development or creative new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Idea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as speed of answer question, discuss with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on our country and share the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Idea
each other’s. In facts, we can’t deny the effect of this subject on our community and how it
Did you mean "occupies"?
occupy
great part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In the final analysis we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be aware about
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Idea
. I wish the number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
less who play
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
computer
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IELTS essay numerous persons have join to network a wid basis and a high number of kids play computer games

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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