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In many countries good school and medical facilities only available in cities. Some people believe that new teachers and doctors should work in rural area for few year, but some think everyone should be free to choose where they work. Discuss both of this views and give your opinion.

In many countries good school and medical facilities only available in cities. Some people believe that new teachers and doctors should work in rural area for few year, but some think everyone should be free to choose where they work. g79A
Beyond doubt education and healthcare play an integral role in people's life. Although, some people believe that new graduators should have no restriction to pick up their workplace. Personally, I hold the view that they should give service for a few years in suburban areas. On the one hand, students after finished their universities have to experience a lot as much as possible. To explain, newly graduators should practice in order to boost their ability in this field. Secondly, most of them prefer to work in a big cities, due to there are a plethora of opportunities in this area. To give an example, cities are more developed and outlook of local residents is really high. A large proportion of citizens are care about their health as well as to gain knowledge. Finally, according to the fact that about large number of competitor in cities, young workers can quickly develop themselves, since competition required individuals to work harder and being patient. On the other hand, some sections of society put forward the idea that the citizens of rural area should not be neglected. First of all, according to the statistics of unemployment in authority works in rural areas, it would be better, If young graduators sent to work in that areas. To explain, they will aid to increase the number of people who will start to interested in such aspects. Secondly, it would be a great opportunity to develop than places. As we all know by gaining knowledge people become more clever and innovative. So, people would start to build new buildings such as schools, hospitals, banks and etc. Finally, the rate of healthy and skilled people would dramatically increased. In conclusion, after discussing aforementioned views, now we can point that although life in a big cities can create lots of opportunities for humans, we should not ignore about developing suburban areas.
Beyond doubt education and healthcare play an integral role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that new
Possible spelling mistake found.
graduators
should have no restriction to pick up their workplace.
Personally
, I hold the view that they should give service for a few years in suburban areas.

On the one hand, students after finished their universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
experience a lot as much as possible. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
,
newly
Possible spelling mistake found.
graduators
should practice in order to boost their ability in this field.
Secondly
, most of them prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "city"?
cities
, due to there are a plethora of opportunities in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. To give an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are more developed and outlook of local residents is
really
high. A large proportion of citizens are care about their health
as well
as to gain knowledge.
Finally
, according to the fact that about large number of competitor in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, young workers can
quickly
develop themselves, since competition required individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder and being patient.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sections of society put forward the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the citizens of rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
should not
be neglected
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, according to the statistics of unemployment in authority works in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, it would be better, If young
Possible spelling mistake found.
graduators
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, they will aid to increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to interested in such aspects.
Secondly
, it would be a great opportunity to develop than places. As we all know by gaining knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more clever and innovative.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to build new buildings such as schools, hospitals, banks
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Finally
, the rate of healthy and skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
dramatically
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "increase"
increased
.

In conclusion
, after discussing aforementioned views,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we can point that although life in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "city"?
cities
can create lots of opportunities for humans, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
about developing suburban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
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IELTS essay In many countries good school and medical facilities only available in cities. Some people believe that new teachers and doctors should work in rural area for few year, but some think everyone should be free to choose where they work.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • In many countries good school and medical facilities only available in cities. Some people believe that new teachers and doctors should work in rural area for few year, but some think everyone should be free to choose where they work. Discuss both of this views and give your opinion.