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nowadays young youths move abroad for further studies..positive or negitive impact

Many young students are migrating to study abroad and I do agree with this statement. I believe, this a positive impact because this will not only help us understand a new culture but also will lead to an economic development. Youth learning in a different country, will help them know new culture which he will bring back to his own society and the same will bring upliftment among his own people. Since globalization happened, all countries of the world came closer which led to better understanding of each others cultural differences. For instance, one of my school friend went to Japan to take the course of Hotel Management. After completion of his course, when he came back to his own county India he is more concerned about cleanliness and hygiene. Younger people who gain knowledge in different country also bring major economic advancement to their own land where they belong to. Nowadays, we see many aspirants like engineers and doctors travel to developed economies for higher education which helps them bring back new ideas and infrastructure development to their own nation. This has led to major development in medicine, science & technology throughout the world. For instance, my cousin brother completed his Civil Engineering from USA and after coming to India he is constructing roads with lower input cost and higher durability. To conclude, I would say positive factors outnumber the negative ones when a student travel abroad to study. The home country gets impacted in both ways culturally as well as economically which helps in better ties and friendship among two nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young students are migrating to study
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
abroad and
I do
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agree
with this statement. I believe,
It seems that a verb is missing.
this
a
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positive
impact
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because
this will not
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only
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help
us understand a new culture
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but
also
will lead to an economic development.

Youth learning in a
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different
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country
, will
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help
them know new culture which he will
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bring
back to his
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own
society and the same will
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bring
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
among his
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own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Since globalization happened, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the world came closer which led to better understanding of each
The plural noun “others” doesn’t fit after the quantifier “each”. A possessive apostrophe may be missing, or you meant the singular form.
others
cultural differences.
For instance
, one of my school friend went to Japan to take the course of Hotel Management. After completion of his course, when he came back to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
county India he is more concerned about cleanliness and hygiene.

Younger
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people
who gain knowledge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
major economic advancement to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
land where they belong to. Nowadays, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspirants like engineers and doctors travel to developed economies for higher education which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
back new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and infrastructure development to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation. This has led to major development in medicine, science & technology throughout the world.
For instance
, my cousin brother completed his Civil Engineering
A determiner is probably missing here: “from the USA”.
from USA
and after coming to India he is constructing roads with lower input cost and higher durability.

To conclude
, I would say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
factors outnumber the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones when a student
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: “travels”.
travel
abroad to study. The home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
impacted in both ways
culturally
Probable usage error. Use “and” after ‘both’.
as well as
economically
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in better ties and friendship among two nations.
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IELTS essay nowadays young youths move abroad for further studies. . positive or negitive impact

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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