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Many people living in cities these days do not get enough physical exercise . What are the causes for this? What are some possible solutions?

More and more number of people living in cities are leading towards a sedentary lifestyle where everything is replaced by technology and individuals find difficult to spare time for physical health. There are plethora of reasons which has led to this trend but, at the same time, we also have many effective solutions for this problem. The primary reason is advancement in technological development which has replaced everything that involves physical activity. The usage of smart phones has become a trend where people nowadays, allocate most of their time. Young adults in earlier days, play outdoor games like cricket, football, tennis and they were physically fit but since the smart phones have been introduced, they find it convenient to play in the comfort of their home on their phone. Hence, this has reduced physical activity to a larger extent in the modern cities. The secondary reason is, overpopulated and crowded cities where people find it difficult to even walk. Foothpaths are flooded with hawkers and local vendors which has completely eliminated the possibility of walking and running. Until and unless such problems persist, physical exercise cannot come into existence. I believe, there are some vital solutions which can eradicate this phenomenon. Nowadays, we have modern apps like Fitbit which not only keeps a track of your physical activity like walking but also monitors heartbeat and blood pressure. This is a blessing for a mankind, which not only helps to keep a track of their heath but also eliminate any possible diseases at an early stage. The government must promote development of gardens and walking tracks in every locality, so that people living in cities may come out from passive lifestyle and allocate some time for their physical fitness. This will not only help us to create a healthy society but also the government spendings on healthcare will reduce drastically. To conclude, I believe government and individuals living in cities must work towards creating a healthy society by focusing on the solutions mentioned above.
More and more number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are leading towards a sedentary lifestyle where everything
is replaced
by technology and individuals find difficult to spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health. There are plethora of reasons which has led to this trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, we
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
effective solutions for this problem.

The primary reason is advancement in technological development which has replaced everything that involves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity. The usage of
Nowadays it’s more common to write this as one word.
smart phones
has become a trend where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays, allocate most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Young adults in earlier days, play outdoor games like cricket, football,
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tennis and
they were
physically
fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
since the
Nowadays it’s more common to write this as one word.
smart phones
have
been introduced
, they find it convenient to play in the comfort of their home on their phone.
Hence
, this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity to a larger extent in the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. The secondary reason is, overpopulated and crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult to even walk.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Foothpaths
are flooded
with hawkers and local vendors which has completely eliminated the possibility of walking and running. Until and unless such problems persist,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into existence.

I believe, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vital solutions which can eradicate this phenomenon. Nowadays, we have modern apps like Fitbit which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity like walking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
monitors heartbeat and blood pressure. This is a blessing for a mankind, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of their heath
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
eliminate any possible diseases at an early stage. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
promote development of gardens and walking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
in every locality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out from passive lifestyle and allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to create a healthy society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings on
healthcare will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
drastically
.

To conclude
, I believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work towards creating a healthy society by focusing on the solutions mentioned above.

IELTS essay Many people living in cities these days do not get enough physical exercise. What are the causes for this? What are some possible solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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