Search
Vocabularying
Listening
Reading
1. Academic
2. General
Writing
1. IELTSWriting Checker
2. IELTS Writing Samples
Speaking
1. Latest Topics
2. Speaking Club

Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.

nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people think that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are those who opine that the practice of spending too much time in shopping centres could be detrimental for young people and the society as a whole. I completely agree with this view. According to me, if youngsters spend too much time on buying or in malls, it can hurt not only their academic performance but also their financial situation since this requires both time and money. There are some reasons to support my view. To begin with, When young people become obsessed with purchasing, they will find themselves in serious financial crisis. If they hang out in the malls, they may incline toward to obtain numerous things even if they do not truly require them. For instance, many young girls are willing to pay a high price for cloths that are made by famous brand only for show-off purpose. As this requires money, youngsters will have to find a source of income. Consequently, some of them may choose to job part-time or some might even quit their studies and work full time. Both are harmful to their academic progress and career. Working part-time might diminish the amount of time they can focus on their academic achievements and hence influence their grades. Consequently, they would not get sufficiently paid job. In addition, Excessive purchasing also affects the society. By spending money on unnecessary possession, they fall into the debt trap. This is disastrous for the community as well. After wasting their whole pocket money, youngsters may get into illegal activities like robbery, shoplifting or even smuggling. All of these has a detrimental effect on society. In short, shopping is good so long as it is done in moderation. If young people devour an excessive amount of time in malls, they will not have much time to focus on their studies and they will also fall into debt. Obviously, this impairs them as well as their society.

There are those who opine that the practice of spending too much You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
time
 in shopping Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.centers
centres
 could be detrimental for You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewbuddingyouthfulinexperienced
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 and the society as a whole. I completely This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquiesce
agree
 with this view. This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".In my opinionI think
According to me
, if youngsters spend too much You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
time
 on buying or in malls, it can hurt not This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exclusively
only
 their academic performance This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
also
 their financial situation since this requires both You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
time
 and money.

There are This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 reasons to support my view. To This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :initiatecommence
begin
 with, When You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewbuddingyouthfulinexperienced
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 become obsessed with purchasing, they will find themselves in serious financial crisis. If they hang out in the malls, they may incline toward to obtain numerous things even if they do not truly
 require them. For instance
, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewbuddingyouthfulinexperienced
young
 girls are willing to pay a high price for cloths that are made
 by This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:well-known
famous
 brand This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exclusively
only
 for This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :demonstrateportrayindicatedisplay
show
-off purpose. As this requires money, youngsters will This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:ought to
have to
 find a source of income. Consequently
, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 of them may choose to job part-time or This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 might even quit their studies and work full You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
time
. Both are harmful to their academic progress and career. Working part-time might diminish the amount of You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
time
 they can focus on their academic achievements and hence
 influence their grades. Consequently
, they would not This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
sufficiently
 paid job.

In addition
, Excessive purchasing also
 affects the society. By spending money on unnecessary possession, they fall into the debt trap. This is disastrous for the community as well
. After wasting their whole pocket money, youngsters may This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 into illegal activities like robbery, shoplifting or even smuggling. All of these has a detrimental effect on society.

In short, shopping is This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :beneficialproduct
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:consequently
so
 long as it is done
 in moderation. If You use this word too often, consider replacing it withnewbuddingyouthfulinexperienced
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 devour an excessive amount of You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
time
 in malls, they will not have much You use this word too often, consider replacing it withpointgenerationpastsecondturnspace
time
 to focus on their Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).studies, and
studies and
 they will also
 fall into debt. Obviously
, this impairs them as well
 as their society. 