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nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. in what ways has technology effected the types of relationships people make? has this become a positive or negative development?

nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. in what ways has technology effected the types of relationships people make? has this become a positive or negative development? jmbM
Technology made our world as small village, people communication has changed through the development technology. This essay will discuss the positive and negative impacts on relationships of people. Technology improve our life is undeniable, which is a key role of development. As well as, has positive impacts such as connecting the world through technology is lead to raise our global economy and awareness, besides to strengthen the communication of individual over the world, indeed, technology give us the solution for the people who need to communicate with other friends and their families on any time with overlooked the distance of geography over the lands. Moreover it is empower our relationship of hole the society. For instance, one of technology application, the social media which, allow us to connecting the hole community through that and help us to know the latest issue of society, news. Furthermore, it is give us the opportunity to find jobs from their homes. On the other side, technology has negative impacts, sometimes it is leading to obsession, if the individual use it intensively, will not reduce their social skills, but also it will effect on our mentally and physical status. For example, parents use their phones intensively, hence their children will feel detached and careless. besides it might be destructive for people if we do not use appropriate way. In conclusion, albeit development technology has negative aspects reflect on our communication of society, but their positive impacts are more effective and it is contributed to enrich our experience through communications with other individual and stay update with them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
made our world as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
on relationships of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our life is undeniable, which is a key role of development.
As well
as, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
such as connecting the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is lead to raise our global economy and awareness,
besides
to strengthen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
of individual over the world,
indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
give us the solution for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who need to communicate with other friends and their families on any time with overlooked the distance of geography over the lands.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it is
Consider using a past participle here: "empowered".
empower
our relationship of hole the society.
For instance
, one of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
application, the social media which,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to
Did you mean "connect"?
connecting
the hole community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
that and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to know the latest issue of society, news.
Furthermore
, it is give us the opportunity to find jobs from their homes.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is leading to obsession, if the individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
intensively
, will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
on our mentally and physical status.
For example
, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their phones
intensively
,
hence
their children will feel detached and careless.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
besides
it might be destructive for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
if we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
appropriate way.

In conclusion
, albeit development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects reflect on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
of society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
are more effective and it
is contributed
to enrich our experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
communications with other individual and stay update with them.

IELTS essay nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. in what ways has technology effected the types of relationships people make? has this become a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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