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Nowadays sports are a big business, with professional player earning high salary and a lot of companies involve both financially and in other ways. Is this the negative or positive developments for sports? (approximately 250 words)

Nowadays sports are a big business, with professional player earning high salary and a lot of companies involve both financially and in other ways. Is this the negative or positive developments for sports? (approximately 250 words) m101O
It is true that currently sports are marketed by contracts in which large enterprises intervene in all aspects of these games. I believe that such a trend can be both positive and negative. On the one hand, the sports business has several perks. Firstly, it usually offers better conditions for athletes. Normally, large companies will make capital investments for sports gear and training centres to ensure that all sportsmen have the best practice environment and hence the possibility of winning the prestigious awards in the region and the world as well as the best wages for them. For instance, Puma had signed an agreement with Man City last year as a model for sports partnerships which is the second most valuable kit contract in the Premier League and it could help this club have a successful future. Secondly, the commercialization of sports is money-making due to the desire to buy goods and services of fans. Professional and college sports programs strike a strong emotional chord in their audiences, and therefore many conglomerates can claim greater brand loyalty to their businesses because money will follow the admiration of loyal sports viewers. On the other hand, there are many drawbacks to this trend despite these advantages mentioned above. The first downside could be that the martial spirit in sport is easily ruined by the attitude of winning at all costs, including cheating and breaking rules to win and make money. For example, many athletes who are under competitive pressure and forced to win often use performance-enhancing substances or become addicted to drugs or alcohol to relieve their psychology. Another negative point can be that sports personalities become a commodity on the market to trade and transfer. This can lead to them being constantly manipulated by investment companies, and the audience may find the results of the game untrue, as well as the value of sports training that is too commercial and thereby diminishing the meaning of sport in society. In conclusion, although sports merchandising or earnings from sport are beneficial for sportsmen and the economy, I believe that it is likely to have more harmful effects on the development of sports generally.
It is true that
currently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are marketed
by contracts in which large enterprises intervene in all aspects of these games. I believe that such a trend can be both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
business has several perks.
Firstly
, it
usually
offers better conditions for athletes.
Normally
, large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
capital investments for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
gear and training
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to ensure that all sportsmen have the best practice environment and
hence
the possibility of winning the prestigious awards in the region and the world
as well
as the best wages for them.
For instance
, Puma had signed an agreement with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Man
City last year as a model for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
partnerships which is the second most valuable kit contract in the Premier League and it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
this club have a successful future.
Secondly
, the commercialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is money-making due to the desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services of fans. Professional and college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
programs strike a strong emotional chord in their audiences, and
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conglomerates can claim greater brand loyalty to their businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
money will follow the admiration of loyal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
viewers.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks to this trend despite these advantages mentioned above. The
first
downside could be that the martial spirit in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
easily
ruined by the attitude of winning at all costs, including cheating and breaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to win and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
athletes who are under competitive pressure and forced to win
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
performance-enhancing substances or become addicted to drugs or alcohol to relieve their psychology. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
point can be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personalities become a commodity on the market to trade and transfer. This can lead to them being
constantly
manipulated by investment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, and the audience may find the results of the game untrue,
as well
as the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
training
that is
too commercial and thereby diminishing the meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in society.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
merchandising or earnings from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
are beneficial for sportsmen and the economy, I believe that it is likely to have more harmful effects on the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
generally
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays sports are a big business, with professional player earning high salary and a lot of companies involve both financially and in other ways. Is this the negative or positive developments for sports? (approximately 250 words)

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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