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Nowadays, Some People Are Changing Their Way Of Look Through Hair Colour, Cosmetics And Plastic Surgery

Nowadays, Some People Are Changing Their Way Of Look Through Hair Colour, Cosmetics And Plastic Surgery KyaG0
In this day and age, the majority of people follow different methods to change their physical appearance by coloring their hair, applying loads of makeup and even undergoing surgery. In my opinion, there is no harm in enhancing looks to a certain extent; however, if achieving physical perfection becomes an obsession, it will do more harm than good. Primarily, in this era of westernization, everyone yearns to look beautiful as it ultimately boosts their self-esteem and confidence. By trying all these tactics, one can easily transform one’s personality to gain the attention of others. Moreover, there are several professions which require good looking employees to boost the sales of their business. For example, air hostesses and receptionists need to look smart and presentable. Therefore, attractive looks can be extremely beneficial to these people to improve their career prospects. Furthermore, plastic surgery has become a popular term in the medical field. Many people have received the appropriate services to change their unwanted facial features such as cleft lip. Apart from this, numerous celebrities have lifted their skin to look more glamorous. Besides this, this surgery has proved to be a boon for people who suffered deformities in accidents. I believe that these methods that enhance our looks are justified as long as they do not hurt us. However, spending a huge amount of money just to look beautiful is not beneficial because ultimately, a person is recognized for their deeds and inner beauty. There is actually very little we can achieve by simply looking good. To conclude, a lot of people opt for methods that boost their appearance. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve our looks as it may make us more confident. However, we need to ensure that we do not become obsessed with unrealistic standards of physical beauty and spend inordinate amounts of money on it.
In this day and age, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their physical appearance by coloring their hair, applying loads of makeup and even undergoing surgery. In my opinion, there is no harm in enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
to a certain extent;
however
, if achieving physical perfection becomes an obsession, it will do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

Primarily
, in this era of
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some nouns that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Westernization".
westernization
, everyone yearns to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
as it
ultimately
boosts their self-esteem and confidence. By trying all these tactics, one can
easily
transform one’s personality to gain the attention of others.
Moreover
, there are several professions which require
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
good looking
employees to boost the sales of their business.
For example
, air hostesses and receptionists need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
smart and presentable.
Therefore
, attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
can be
extremely
beneficial to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their career prospects.

Furthermore
, plastic surgery has become a popular term in the medical field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have received the appropriate services to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their unwanted facial features such as cleft lip. Apart from this, numerous celebrities have lifted their skin to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
more glamorous.
Besides
this, this surgery has proved to be a boon for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffered deformities in accidents.

I believe that these methods that enhance our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
are justified
as long as they do not hurt us.
However
, spending a huge amount of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
is not beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
ultimately
, a person
is recognized
for their deeds and inner beauty. There is actually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
we can achieve by
simply
looking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt for methods that boost their appearance. In my opinion, there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with wanting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
as it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us more confident.
However
, we need to ensure that we do not become obsessed with unrealistic standards of physical beauty and spend inordinate amounts of money on it.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, Some People Are Changing Their Way Of Look Through Hair Colour, Cosmetics And Plastic Surgery

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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