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Nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or alone rather than with their family. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, a large number of people among the world want to live with their friends or on their own more than with their family and this trend effects negatively on communities. I absolutely agree with this suggestion and this essay will discuss my opinion and reach reasonable conclusion. Firstly, people are loosing respect and responsibility to their family because of this argument. Because they live far from their family and they may do not want to meet or communicate with them. Owing to the facts, most people who live lonely may feel their family annoying when they meet each other because they have argued in the past. So, communication of the people become worse and it will effect bad to the community. Secondly, because of this issue, youngsters who want to live alone may become more prone to do crimes, such as bullying, stealing or the others. Because, when they live alone they feel themselves nervous and they want to spend their time to useless things such as dancing in clubs or spending time in pubs. There will be nobody who dares them not to do those things. For example, they live far from their family and they do not know how to make money, so they steal money or something to kill their hunger or to go to the clubs. In conclusion, living alone or with friends may be cause for loosing respect for their family and increasing the amount of crime among the adults who live alone.
Nowadays,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
among the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their friends or on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
more than with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and this trend effects
negatively
on communities. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this suggestion and this essay will discuss my opinion and reach reasonable conclusion.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are loosing respect and responsibility to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
because of this
argument.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
far from their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they may do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
or communicate with them. Owing to the facts, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
lonely may feel their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
annoying when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have argued in the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, communication of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
worse and
it will
Did you mean “affect” (have an effect upon)?
effect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
to the community.

Secondly
,
because of this
issue, youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
may become more prone to do crimes, such as bullying, stealing or the others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
they feel themselves
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nervous and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to spend their time to useless things such as dancing in clubs or spending time in pubs. There will be nobody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
dares them not to do those things.
For example
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
far from their
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they do not know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they steal money or something to kill their hunger or to go to the clubs.

In conclusion
, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
or with friends may
Did you mean “because”?
be cause
for loosing respect for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and increasing the amount of crime among the adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays more people are choosing to live with friends or alone rather than with their family. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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