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Nowadays, more opportunities are being given to women. Some people think that this causes more problems that its positive sides. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, more opportunities are being given to women. Some people think that this causes more problems that its positive sides. NWLPg
In a current time, there are created more chances for females to gain a position in community compared to the past. It is a frequent discussion topic that this occasion is being a cause to more issues than solutions. I strongly agree with this statement and this essay will regard the reasons and relevant examples. To commence with, less amount of attention and care for children has been caused due to the current situation. In other words, females are allocating most of their time to work and outside activities, which is causing the lack of control for their children. For instance, just by working in an office, women usually spend about one-thirds of an entire day for their job. Then, should we don't take into account their sleep time, only a few hours remain that are spent with children. As a consequence, these children are becoming impolite, disrespectful and even such person that commits some kinds of crime. Secondly, this situation is causing the increase of the concept of feminism among females. The more opportunities is being given, the more they are finding themselves as strong as males. This means, women are considering themselves that they can do everything without help of men and there is no more dependency on males. Consequently, it is causing a number of conflicts in families and even it is leading to getting divorce. By contrast, the situation possess a positive side in terms of finance. This means, women are also earning adequate money to support their family and expand it for their needs. As a result, less arguments are experiencing by husband and wife about a product or jewelery that should be purchased. To sum up, giving more chances for women has more drawbacks in terms of their children and traditional ideology, although there is an advantage that it helps to improve financial status. Personally, I believe that this situation should be reinspected with taking into consideration these aspects by international organizations.
In a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time, there
are created
more chances for females to gain a position in community compared to the past. It is a frequent discussion topic that this occasion is being a cause to more issues than solutions. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and this essay will regard the reasons and relevant examples.

To commence with, less amount of attention and care for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
been caused
due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
In other words
, females are allocating most of their time to work and outside activities, which is causing the lack of control for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by working in an office,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
usually
spend about one-thirds of an entire day for their job. Then, should we don't take into account their sleep time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few hours remain that
are spent
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As a consequence, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming impolite, disrespectful and even such person that commits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of crime.

Secondly
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is causing the increase of the concept of feminism among females. The more opportunities is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, the more they are finding themselves as strong as males. This means,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are considering themselves that they can do everything without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and there is no more dependency on males.
Consequently
, it is causing a number of conflicts in families and even it is leading to getting divorce.

By contrast, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
possess a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side in terms of finance. This means,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
also
earning adequate money to support their family and expand it for their needs.
As a result
,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun arguments is countable.
less
arguments are experiencing by husband and wife about a product or
Possible spelling mistake found.
jewelery
that should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
.

To sum up, giving more chances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has more drawbacks in terms of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and traditional ideology, although there is an advantage that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
financial status.
Personally
, I believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
should
be reinspected
with taking into consideration these aspects by international organizations.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, more opportunities are being given to women. Some people think that this causes more problems that its positive sides.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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