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Nowadays many young people spend their free time in shopping centers. This has a negative effect on youths and society. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays many young people spend their free time in shopping centers. This has a negative effect on youths and society. 3kXb
Presently, it is assumed by some group of individuals that Youngsters are more influenced towards shopping rather than others. Which is not harmful for them but also for their culture. Yes, i also agree with this term that definitely effects brain towards unnecessary things. First of all, I would like to start by saying that in present time Youngsters appealed towards materlistic things and one of them is shopping which is a base of them all. For instance, when they go markets then new products attract them and they convinced by buying them and spend their precious money on such entertainment things which after sometime will have no value to them. Furthermore, now they are too much addicted to these latest thing, although they want to get that at any cost. Which move them towards wrong sides, even they started to do crimes to get enough money to buy such newly things. Moreover, youngster are the assests of their nation their country and they spend their precious time on such wasteless activities on the contrary, they should utilise this phase for the betterment of their self or society for example by geting degrees by having useful knowledge. Due to the fact that, By geting new arrival from the shopping marts are making youngsters sick and creating a sense of jealousness from their fellows and started a unwanted compition to get best everytime, which is severe a sign of danger. Lastly, i want to say that government and parents should consider such types of acts and made some awareness or rules. Like advertising agency are making such ads which forced them to buy products whether audiences are children or youngster.
Presently
, it
is assumed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of individuals that Youngsters are more influenced towards shopping
rather
than others. Which is not harmful for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for their culture. Yes,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this term that definitely effects brain towards unnecessary things.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by saying that in present time Youngsters appealed towards
Possible spelling mistake found.
materlistic
things and one of them is shopping which is a base of them all.

For instance
, when they go markets then new products attract
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they convinced by buying them and spend their precious money on such entertainment things which after sometime will have no value to them.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are too much addicted to these latest thing, although they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that at any cost. Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
them towards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
sides, even they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to do crimes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
such
newly
things.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
are the
Possible spelling mistake found.
assests
of their nation their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they spend their precious time on such
Possible spelling mistake found.
wasteless
activities
on the contrary
, they should
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
this phase for the betterment of their self or society
for example
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
geting
degrees by having useful knowledge.

Due to the fact that, By
Possible spelling mistake found.
geting
new arrival from the shopping marts are making youngsters sick and creating a sense of
Possible spelling mistake found.
jealousness
from their fellows and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unwanted
Possible spelling mistake found.
compition
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
best
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
, which is severe a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

Lastly
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
want to say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and parents should consider such types of acts and made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
awareness or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. Like advertising agency are making such ads which forced them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products whether audiences are children or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youngster
.

IELTS essay Nowadays many young people spend their free time in shopping centers. This has a negative effect on youths and society.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
279 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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