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Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games.

Without any shred of doubt, in this technological era, computers have become part and parcel of individual’s life. So, undoubtedly, in daily routine, almost everyone’s life either they are elder or children rely on computers and they use them for in excess in order to do work or play video games. There are plethora of drawbacks in children’s life, if they play games for longer time. To embark on, the first and foremost significant downside of playing computer games is that it affects on their holistic development such as once they start playing games on computer, they become addicted. As a result, they lose their interest not only in outdoor games and physical activities which help them in their growth, but also, they can not concentrate on their studies and they face poor academic results because they just like to spend time on computers rather them doing other necessary things. Apart from this, they face health related problems such as obesity which is the major cause of many serious diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, breathing problems and many more. Moreover, the adolescent’s eye-sight is also affected, if they continuously use to spend hours on video games. Consequently, they may face huge loss in the long run. For example, today, large count of children who play computer games are dependent on spactical rather them other children. However, every problem has a solution, it can also be controlled if parents spend some quality time with their children. They can encourage them to participate in other activities such as football, cricket etcetera. Also, they should make their schedule to use computer for playing games. Furthermore, they should apply some screen guards on computer screen, so that the rays will not affect on their eyes. Last but not least, schools can also control on it by adding physical education as compulsory subject in which they may incline towards physical games. Before putting my pen down, I would like to say that parents should not buy computers, if they do not need it. However, if it is essential for them to buy, then they should keep eye on their children so that they can use them in limit. Along with this, seminars should be arranged by school authorities and government to aware children about drawbacks of using computers for longer period.
Without any shred of doubt, in this technological era, computers have become part and parcel of individual’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
undoubtedly
, in daily routine, almost everyone’s life either they are elder or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rely on computers and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them for in excess in order to do work or play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. There are plethora of drawbacks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life, if they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for longer time.

To embark on, the
first
and foremost significant downside of playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is that it affects on their holistic development such as once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computer, they become addicted.
As a result
, they lose their interest not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and physical activities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, they can not concentrate on their studies and they face poor academic results
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like to spend time on computers
rather
them doing other necessary things.

Apart from this, they face health related problems such as obesity which is the major cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, breathing problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
Moreover
, the adolescent’s eye-sight is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
, if they
continuously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to spend hours on video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Consequently
, they may face huge loss in the long run.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, large count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are dependent on spactical
rather
them other children.

However
, every problem has a solution, it can
also
be controlled
if parents spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They can encourage them to participate in other activities such as football, cricket etcetera.
Also
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their schedule to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Furthermore
, they should apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
screen guards on computer screen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the rays will not affect on their eyes. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, schools can
also
control on it by adding physical education as compulsory subject in which they may incline towards physical games.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
putting my pen down, I would like to say that parents should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
computers, if they do not need it.
However
, if it is essential for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
, then they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them in limit. Along with this, seminars should
be arranged
by school authorities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about drawbacks of using computers for longer period.

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
387 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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