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Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

A various number of video games that make young people enjoyment when playing it, and then that have been more popular in these days. In the beginning, there a good side on play video games. Firstly, expands the horizons of knowledge that occur when children play a some of games they create inside their mind their own world, which is unreal world for who not gamer, and for this can be lead a children more creative on their future lives, because with the change happen inside the newest technology could be that children more awareness. Children whose would speaking other languages (English, Japanese, French) can this help him out, they will been have a variety of a vocabulary, moreover, understanding context the cohesion and coherence that be lead them faster spoken. In the other hand, video games can have a negative side for younger when the play it a long time. First of all, the distance from the reality could be lead them to be have a serious issues on their live whether a sociology issue or a communication issue. When most of their time spended on computer or video games can be lead them less communication with their friends or a member of family an until a real individual on their lives. For example, phobia, isolation, depression, all this kind of mental issues can occur to younger when spending their time lonely. In conclusion, it seems to be that computer and video games have been two sides even the positives side has more benefits that cannot be mean the children been alone on the game most of their time cause many problem whither on mental health or psychology.
A various number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoyment when playing it, and then that have been more popular in these days.

In the beginning,
It seems that a verb is missing.
there
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
side on play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Firstly
, expands the horizons of knowledge that occur when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
they create inside their mind their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
world, which is unreal world for who not gamer, and for this can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more creative on their future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
happen inside the newest technology could be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more awareness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
whose would
The modal verb ‘would’ requires the verb’s base form.
speaking
other languages (English, Japanese, French) can this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him out, they
Did you mean “will be”?
will been
Consider using either the past participle “had” or the present participle “having” here.
have
a variety of a vocabulary,
moreover
, understanding context the cohesion and coherence that be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
them faster spoken.

In the other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side for younger when the play
There seems to be an error here. Maybe a verb is missing between “it” and “a” or a word is misspelled.
it a
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, the distance from the reality could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
them to be
Consider using either the past participle “had” or the present participle “having” here.
have
a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
whether a sociology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
or a communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
. When most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “spent”, the past tense form of the verb ‘spend’?
spended
on computer or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
them less communication with their friends or a member of family an until a real individual on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, phobia, isolation, depression, all this kind of mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
can occur to younger when spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
lonely.

In conclusion
, it seems to be that computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have been two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
even the positives side has more benefits that cannot be mean the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
been alone on the game most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
cause
Possible agreement error. The noun problem seems to be countable; consider using: “many problems”.
many problem
whither on mental health or psychology.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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