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Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

In a new period, computer is more popular and children almost play game on the computer. This essay will clearly display a positive aspects and a negative aspects. On a positive aspects, playing game for children will be comfortable after schools. According to child mentality, play game will tremendously be benefit children, it help children increase ability to concentrate and good reflection. Many children play game to express its emotion, children want to become winner in a match and prove its powerful firm and intelligence through games. Moreover, play game can upgrade children thinking ability because play game force children have to brainstorm and develop many strategy to become worthy winner. In addition, play game found strategy thinking, creation. It will become convenient for development children in the future, On the others hand, play game appeared toxic habit. Children can be bad affection by violent computer games. Toxic habit can be specific include stay up late, violent attitude, loss time and energy. Specially, children will become obsessed with games and psychological issues will lead to disturbing result. Next, play game will be harmful children eyes, stomach, head, arm, and many parts in their body. In conclusion, Children play game is affection. Children will be an serious affection in a long time and loss many times, energies, opportunities. From my point of view is rule of family is crucial with children, parent should pay attention and take care of their son to children develop ability about thinking and psychology.
In a new period, computer is more popular and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game on the computer. This essay will
clearly
display a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.

On a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects, playing game for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be comfortable after schools. According to child mentality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game will
tremendously
be benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “helps”.
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
increase ability to concentrate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reflection.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game to express its emotion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
winner in a match and prove its powerful firm and intelligence through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game can upgrade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
thinking ability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
brainstorm and develop
Possible agreement error. The noun strategy seems to be countable; consider using: “many strategies”.
many strategy
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
worthy winner.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game found strategy thinking, creation. It will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
convenient for development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the future,

On the others hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game appeared toxic habit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
affection by violent computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Toxic habit can
The infinitive “include” after “be” requires “to”. Did you mean “be specific to include”?
be specific include
stay up late, violent attitude, loss time and energy.
Specially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
obsessed with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and psychological issues will lead to disturbing result.
Next
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game will be harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eyes, stomach, head, arm, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts in their body.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
game is affection.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will be
Use “a” instead of ‘an’ if the following word doesn’t start with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘a sentence’, ‘a university’.
an
serious affection in a long time and loss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times, energies, opportunities. From my point of view is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of family is crucial with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, parent should pay attention and take care of their son to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop ability about thinking and psychology.

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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