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Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

In today world, the technology has progress quickly and we all have access to the internet. More and more kids are love to playing computer games, the percentages of them are increase rapidly. In this essay, I will discuss the pros and cons to that situation. On the one hand, there are some benefits that can clearly see is playing video games are a good way to entertain yourself and also develop skill for children. For instance, many popular games are require a high level of thinking skills to win, that skill are may not taught at school. Some games are need children to follow the instruction and logical brain to solve the problems. Furthermore, computers game can take us to a different world where we can escape from reality. However, it also has some drawback. Many children are spending too much time on the games and don't want to study anymore. Beside that, there are some game that contain violence and unsuitable to their age. For example, many games involve children helping their character to kill, kick, stab and shoot. This may lead to increased aggressive feelings, thoughts, and behaviours. To sum up, there are have positive aspect and negative effect of playing video games for children. Personally I think that parents should have responsibility to control there children are not play too much and choose the games that suitable to their age and not contain violent issues.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
world, the technology has progress
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
quickly and
we all have access to the internet. More and more kids are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the percentages of them are increase
rapidly
. In this essay, I will discuss the pros and cons to that situation.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits that can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to entertain yourself and
also
develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
Consider using either the past participle “required” or the present participle “requiring” here.
require
a high level of thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to win, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
are may not
The modal verb ‘may’ requires the verb’s base form.
taught
at school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow the instruction and logical brain to solve the problems.
Furthermore
, computers game can take us to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
world where we can escape from reality.

However
, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawback.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending too much time on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and don't want to study anymore.
Did you mean “besides” (= apart from that) which is commonly used to start a sentence?
Beside
that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
game that contain violence and unsuitable to their age.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
helping their character to kill, kick, stab and shoot. This may lead to increased aggressive feelings, thoughts, and
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviours’ is British English.
behaviours
.

To sum up, there are
Consider using either the past participle “had” or the present participle “having” here.
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Personally
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that parents should have responsibility to control there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not play too much and choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that suitable to their age and not contain violent issues.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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