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Nowadays many job seekers are finding jobs that force them to move far from their family and friends. Is it a positive or a negative trend? What can be done about it?

Nowadays many job seekers are finding jobs that force them to move far from their family and friends. Is it a positive or a negative trend? What can be done about it? kYg6M
With the world becoming extremely populated, the search for jobs has also become more competitive. This leads candidates to expand their searches and consequently move far from their family and friends. This trend might have a negative impact and some changes must be sought, what will be explored in the following paragraphs. Unfortunately, living far from their loved ones might trigger depression in some people. It takes time to get to know an area and make friends, especially in the beginning, so people start feeling lonely. If the person is older, for example, it is even harder to start a friendship when everybody around has already created their social circles. This is different from children whose mothers schedule play dates with other children. However, employers play an important role in this scenario. Since companies are hiring people from abroad, they should arrange for this transition to be smoother. For instance, employers could allow employees monthly days offs so they could visit relatives, at least during the first months. In addition, some offices in Brazil have started group activities to include new hires and give them the opportunity to fraternize with their co-workers. In sum, there are many ways for employers to help their new employees adapt to the new environment. In conclusion, although one of the downsides of finding job opportunities abroad is loneliness and possible depression, employers should be responsible for this transition and for making it easier. In this essay, I have presented the negative impact of living far from family and friends, but also offered some suggestions to minimize it.
With the world becoming
extremely
populated, the search for jobs has
also
become more competitive. This leads candidates to expand their searches and
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
far from their family and friends. This trend might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be sought
, what will
be explored
in the following paragraphs.

Unfortunately, living far from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
might trigger depression in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It takes time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know an area and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends,
especially
in the beginning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
feeling lonely. If the person is older,
for example
, it is even harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a friendship when everybody around has already created their social circles. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from children whose mothers schedule play dates with other children.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in this scenario. Since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are hiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from abroad, they should arrange for this transition to be smoother.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
employees monthly days offs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they could visit relatives, at least during the
first
months.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
offices in Brazil have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
group activities to include new hires and give them the opportunity to fraternize with their co-workers. In sum, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their new employees adapt to the new environment.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, although one of the downsides of finding job opportunities abroad is loneliness and possible depression,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
should be responsible for this transition and for making it easier.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this essay, I have presented the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of living far from family and friends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
offered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions to minimize it.
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IELTS essay Nowadays many job seekers are finding jobs that force them to move far from their family and friends. Is it a positive or a negative trend? What can be done about it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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