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Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe, other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views and give Your own opinion

Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe, other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views and give Your own opinion KKr9
In this modern era, the citizen are living in nuclear family and majority of parents are working and busy with their day to day activity. Due to this condition they concern about the care taking of their offspring. A Number of individual thinks that grandparents can take care of their young ones. On the other hand, few believe that nanny can take better care. However, I agree with the former statement and will discuss the both views in brief. Firstly, the working parents do not have sufficient time for their little ones. Consequently, they give that responsibility to their grandpa’s. Owing to the fact that, they can pay more attention to their young ones. Number of reason can cover this view. For instance, they are emotionally attached with their grandchild. Secondly, they know their likes and dislikes; in result they can cure their child in a good manner. Thirdly, parents can put a blind faith on their grandparents. Moreover, grandpa’s have enough life experience hence, they can teach them life lesson wisely. Also some parents do not go for day care center because it is very expensive. On the opposite side, not many human think that child care center are the best place for infant care. They think that, one can get satisfactory company and atmosphere over there. In addition, the infrastructure of the day care center is very spectacular. Furthermore, there are enough care taker available over there. To add, some parents do not have their elders, there is no other option instead of day care center. To conclude, Elder can take best care of their young ones instead of day care center. It is cost effective hence not every family can afford it.
In this modern era, the citizen are living in nuclear family and
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working and busy with their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activity. Due to this condition they concern about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
taking of their offspring. A Number of individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that grandparents can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
On the other hand
, few believe that nanny can take better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former statement and will discuss the both views
in brief
.

Firstly
, the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have sufficient time for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Consequently
, they give that responsibility to their grandpa’s. Owing to the fact that, they can pay more attention to their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Number of reason can cover this view.
For instance
, they are
emotionally
attached with their grandchild.
Secondly
, they know their likes and dislikes; in result they can cure their child in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can put a blind faith on their grandparents.
Moreover
, grandpa’s have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
life experience
hence
, they can teach them life lesson
wisely
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not go for day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
center
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.

On the opposite side, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
center are the best place for infant care.

They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
satisfactory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and atmosphere over there.
In addition
, the infrastructure of the day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
center is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
spectacular.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "takers"?
taker
available over there. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have their elders, there is no other option
instead
of day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
center.

To conclude
, Elder can
A determiner is probably missing here: "take the best".
take best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
instead
of day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
center. It
is cost
effective
hence
not every family can afford it.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe, other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views and give Your own opinion

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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