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Nowadays, it has come to light that several people suffer from illnesses which have become resistant to drugs and these illnesses have been shown to be brought on by the kind of life they have chosen to live.

Nowadays, it has come to light that several people suffer from illnesses which have become resistant to drugs and these illnesses have been shown to be brought on by the kind of life they have chosen to live. Research has shown that few humans believe that returning to holistic medical practice will probably help in treating these illnesses, thus it should be encouraged. Alternative medicine is not new and is accepted that it pre-dates conventional medicine. It has its benefits and it is still used by many people all over the world. It should be known that I am convinced that it is harmful, and it has been proven to cure some ailments, thereby, I strongly recommend that conventional treatments should always be the go-to medium for treating every health challenge. The advent of modern technology has made many people dependent on it for survival, which has caused several negative impacts on their health. Lifestyle changes have greatly increased the risks of infections and diseases. On one hand, the use of modern medicine for the treatment of numerous diseases has over the years proven to be instrumental in the cure and also in the total eradication of such diseases. For example, smallpox ceased to be in existence after so many years of being a fatal disease due to the development of drugs that was able to combat the viral infection. Alternatively, traditional cure has been used over the years to treat many sicknesses. There are people who believe in the efficacy of herbs and concoctions to treat their illnesses. However, it has been discovered that alternative treatments do more harm than good in the long run. For instance, administering an ointment made with animal faecal matter or urine on the skin can lead to developing skin cancer in the near future. These medications do not come with prescriptions, therefore people tend to ingest them in doses that are harmful to the body. In conclusion, instead of returning to traditional potions to treat infections, people should be encouraged to live a balanced lifestyle which would reduce the occurrence of drug-resistant illnesses. Suffice to say, inasmuch as traditional remedies have shown a lot of prospects in treating diseases, I strongly belong to the school of thought that recommends using modern medicine to treat all illnesses.
Nowadays, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to light that several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
which have become resistant to drugs and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
have
been shown
to
be brought
on by the kind of life they have chosen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. Research has shown that few humans believe that returning to holistic medical practice will
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in treating these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
,
thus
it should
be encouraged
. Alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is not new and is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that it
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-dates
conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
. It has its
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
benefits and
it is
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world. It should
be known
that I
am convinced
that it is harmful, and it has
been proven
to cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ailments, thereby, I
strongly
recommend that conventional treatments should always be the go-to medium for treating every health challenge.

The advent of modern technology has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dependent on it for survival, which has caused several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on their health. Lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have
greatly
increased the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of infections and diseases.

On one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
for the treatment of numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
has over the years proven to be instrumental in the cure and
also
in the total eradication of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
For example
, smallpox ceased to be in existence after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of being a fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
due to the development of drugs that was able to combat the viral infection.

Alternatively
, traditional cure has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
over the years to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sicknesses. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe in the efficacy of herbs and concoctions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
.
However
, it has
been discovered
that alternative treatments do more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in the long run.
For instance
, administering an ointment made with animal
Possible spelling mistake found.
faecal
matter or urine on the skin can lead to developing skin cancer in the near future. These medications do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with prescriptions,
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to ingest them in doses that are harmful to the body.

In conclusion
,
instead
of returning to traditional potions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
infections,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a balanced lifestyle which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the occurrence of drug-resistant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
. Suffice to say, inasmuch as traditional remedies have shown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
prospects in treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, I
strongly
belong to the school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that recommends using modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
.

IELTS essay Nowadays, it has come to light that several people suffer from illnesses which have become resistant to drugs and these illnesses have been shown to be brought on by the kind of life they have chosen to live.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
383 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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