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Nowadays, families are not as close as they used to be. what are the causes and how can we turn around it.

Nowadays, families are not as close as they used to be. what are the causes and how can we turn around it. Lrqar
Gone are the days when people had harmonious relationship with each others in the family. At present, the affection between family members is disappearing due to changes in the lifestyle which can be harmful for modern societies. Here, i would like to establish causes and solutions to address this worrying concern. There are manifold causes behind this problem. First and foremost, migration to other places for jobs, education, business and employment is leading to disintegration of joint families into nuclear families. As a result, people have less intimacy in the families because of living. . .
Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had harmonious relationship with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. At present, the affection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members is disappearing due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the lifestyle which can be harmful for modern societies. Here,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would like to establish causes and solutions to address this worrying concern.

There are manifold causes behind this problem.
First
and foremost, migration to other places for jobs, education, business and employment is leading to disintegration of joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
into nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have less intimacy in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of living.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, families are not as close as they used to be. what are the causes and how can we turn around it.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
96 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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