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Nowadays , companies are promoting products through advertisement .Some people say that this trend has negative impact on individuals .What's your opinion.

Nowadays, companies are promoting products through advertisement. Some people say that this trend has negative impact on individuals. What's your opinion. NWxBj
Advertisement has transformed the way people consume or sell products. In modern era, organisations are increasing productivity through endorsement. While, other individuals contend that adds has adverse effects on masses. This essay is an attempt to discuss about both views along with justifiable opinion. To commence with, there are numerous demerits of this notion. Where in the cardinal one is spend too much money on products. Media has influenced the people to buying unnecessary products which have no need for buying those items. Thus, people are purchased expenses out of range, whether they are needed or not. For example, a recent survey has conducted by BBC news shown 70% people buy products due to the influence of advertise and they are spending huge amount of money on items. Apart from it, high consumption of junk foods by children, which are seen in adds that may leads to obesity and food poisoning. On the other hand, advertisement is an effective way of spreading awareness among individuals so people knows about which goods are well-renowned in local market. Moreover, if companies are allowed to advertise, it will boost employment. Endorsement are fruitful for enhancing productivity of companies. To conclude, I firmly believe that commercial can beneficial if individuals are consumed it an appropriate manners. Whenever, people pay more attention which may tends to negative impact.
Advertisement has transformed the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume or sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. In modern era,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
are increasing productivity through endorsement.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, other individuals contend that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
has adverse effects on masses. This essay is an attempt to
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
views along with justifiable opinion. To commence with, there are numerous demerits of this notion.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
in the cardinal one is
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
too much money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Media has influenced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to buying unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which have no need for buying those items.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
expenses out of range, whether they
are needed
or not.
For example
, a recent survey has conducted by BBC news shown 70%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
due to the influence of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
advertise and
they are spending huge amount of money on items. Apart from it, high consumption of junk foods by children, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
that may leads to obesity and food poisoning.
On the other hand
, advertisement is an effective way of spreading awareness among individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
knows
about which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are well-renowned in local market.
Moreover
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to advertise, it will boost employment. Endorsement
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
fruitful for enhancing productivity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
To conclude
, I
firmly
believe that commercial can beneficial if individuals
are consumed
it an appropriate
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "manner"?
manners
.
“Whenever” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whenever
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay more attention which may tends to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, companies are promoting products through advertisement. Some people say that this trend has negative impact on individuals. What's your opinion.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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