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Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games than doing sports. Why is it happening? Does it have a positive or negative effect on their development?

Physical activity plays an important role in the physical and psychological development of children during the initial years of their life. However, urbanization and modernization have replaced outdoor games with indoor games and thus increased the number of couch potatoes among the current generation. In my view this is a negative development that affects the physical and mental development of children. Firstly, urbanization eliminated public playgrounds from cities and towns. Thanks to the development of all those housing complexes and shopping centres the cities have become more congested than ever leaving no room for little ones to enjoy outdoor games like cricket or football. Since playing such sports in narrow streets cause disturbance to apartment dwellers parents are forced to keep their children indoors. The security of children has also become a cause for concern. Parents are becoming wary of letting their children play outside. So, to keep them engaged indoors they equip their children with video games, computers and smart phones. As a result, children are getting detached from the benefits of playing outside. This, unfortunately, affects their physical and intellectual development. Sitting in front of a computer or gaming console for long hours can affect the eyesight of children and make them obese. Studies have shown that physical activity helps the development of cognitive abilities like decision-making and problem-solving. Sports and games also teach children crucial life skills such as team spirit and the ability to take success and failure alike. When children do not engage in sports, they are losing an opportunity to master these life lessons. To conclude, video games might keep children engaged for hours on end, but they do not help the overall development of children. So I strongly believe that spending too much time on playing computer games can be very harmful for the upcoming generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
activity plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
during the initial years of their life.
However
, urbanization and modernization have replaced outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
thus
increased the number of couch potatoes among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation. In my view this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
that affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of children.

Firstly
, urbanization eliminated public playgrounds from cities and towns. Thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of all those housing complexes and shopping
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
the cities have become more congested than ever leaving no room for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones to enjoy outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like cricket or football.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
playing such sports in narrow streets cause disturbance to apartment dwellers parents
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
indoors.

The security of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
also
become a cause for concern. Parents are becoming wary of letting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play outside.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them engaged indoors they equip their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, computers and
Nowadays it’s more common to write this as one word.
smart phones
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting detached from the benefits of playing outside. This, unfortunately, affects their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Sitting in front of a computer or gaming console for long hours can affect the eyesight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them obese.

Studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of cognitive abilities like decision-making and problem-solving. Sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
also
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
crucial life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as team spirit and the ability to take success and failure alike. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not engage in sports, they are losing an opportunity to master these life lessons.

To conclude
, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
engaged for hours on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
strongly
believe that spending too much time on playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for the upcoming generation.
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IELTS essay Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games than doing sports. Why is it happening? Does it have a positive or negative effect on their development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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