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Some people believe that university education should only be offered to those who can pay for their own courses and the government should not be expected to fund higher education. To what extent do you agree?

It is often argued that those who can afford the tuition fees for higher education should be given to study in university, additionally, they should not be provided by the government. However, I personally disagree with this point of view. On the one hand, without the financial aid from the government, the youth will have less opportunities to study further and higher. In recent years, tertiary fees are very high. Most of the students, including the most gifted students from poor background can not attend secondary education. They may drop out the school before ending their education and many of them have to work part-time in order to fund their living and take care of families, which restricts them from devoting themselves to university. As a result, they may go to work earlier and the knowledge-based workforce may be reduced in light of the lack of education funding. Moreover, it is also possible that our country will lose power human resource for our country development. For example, immigration of talented students to another countries that provide requirements for them and it will be resulted human flight. If the government create a fund to support them, they can help government to develop the country after reaching at the end of their period even more than people who paid themselves. By this way, the government's funds will be back. As an another positive effect, it will improve HDI by offering equal chance for all the students. Nevertheless, if the government does not give any help, the situation will be reverse. Furthermore, there exists a problem that many people who do not have university qualifications cannot seek jobs, which probably leads to the increase in the rate of unemployment, this is truly one of the most pressing issue which nation might face these days. In conclusion, I believe that government should raise funds to encourage students to attend post-secondary education.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that those who can afford the tuition fees for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to study in university,
additionally
, they should not
be provided
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
However
, I
personally
disagree with this point of view.

On the one hand, without the financial aid from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, the youth will have
Did you mean “fewer”? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
opportunities to study
further
and higher. In recent years, tertiary fees are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, including the most gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from poor background can not attend secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. They may drop out the school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
ending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work part-time in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
their living and take care of families, which restricts them from devoting themselves to university.
As a result
, they may go to work earlier and the knowledge-based workforce may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in light of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
funding.

Moreover
, it is
also
possible that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will lose power human resource for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
development.
For example
, immigration of talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that provide requirements for
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
it will
be resulted
human flight. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
to support them, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
after reaching at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their period even more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who paid themselves. By this way, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's funds will be back. As an another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
HDI by offering equal chance for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Nevertheless
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not give any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, the situation will be reverse.

Furthermore
, there exists a problem that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have university qualifications cannot seek jobs, which
probably
leads to the increase in the rate of unemployment, this is
truly
one of the most pressing issue which nation might face these days.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should raise funds to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to attend post-secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that university education should only be offered to those who can pay for their own courses and the government should not be expected to fund higher education.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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