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Nowaday, many children become addicted to online game

Nowaday, many children become addicted to online game aljmX
One of numerous city’s pitfall is the lack of children’ playground. Obviously, children living in the center are facing an increasingly rapid urbanization process, public spaces in central district day by day become narrowed, children entertaining place therefore being affected. In other words, playground for youngster is no longer large and limit physical activities. Thus, this problem has indirectly make them addicted the online game, chatting and distracting their studies performance
One of numerous city’s pitfall is the lack of children’ playground.
Obviously
, children living in the center are facing an
increasingly
rapid urbanization process, public spaces in central district day by day become narrowed, children entertaining place
therefore
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
In other words
, playground for youngster is no longer large and limit physical activities.
Thus
, this problem has
indirectly
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "made".
make
them addicted the online game, chatting and distracting their studies performance
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IELTS essay Nowaday, many children become addicted to online game

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
70 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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