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Nowaday, many children become addicted to online game

Nowaday, many children become addicted to online game aljmX

One of numerous city’s pitfall is the lack of children’ playground. Obviously, children living in the center are facing an increasingly rapid urbanization process, public spaces in central district day by day become narrowed, children entertaining place therefore being affected. In other words, playground for youngster is no longer large and limit physical activities. Thus, this problem has indirectly make them addicted the online game, chatting and distracting their studies performance

One of numerous city’s pitfall is the lack of children’ playground. Obviously
, children living in the center are facing an increasingly
 rapid urbanization process, public spaces in central district day by day become narrowed, children entertaining place therefore
 being This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :impacted
affected
. In other words
, playground for youngster is no longer large and limit physical activities. Thus
, this problem has indirectly
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "made".made
make
 them addicted the online game, chatting and distracting their studies performance

IELTS essay Nowaday, many children become addicted to online game

Essay

American English

1 paragraphs

70 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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