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Now we see a lot of comfort and convenience in the life of children. Their lifestyle has undergone a huge change in that their habits, activities and even social behavior are not what they used to be earlier. Which factors are responsible for this kind of change, and is it desirable or not? v.1

Now we see a lot of comfort and convenience in the life of children. Their lifestyle has undergone a huge change in that their habits, activities and even social behavior are not what they used to be earlier. Which factors are responsible for this kind of change, and is it desirable or not? v. 1
Generally speaking, the lifestyle of children has improved considerably over the years. Today they enjoy many comforts and amenities that their parents had not even heard of in their childhood. The main causes of this change are the advances made in the field of technology and the growing income of families. The number of households with disposable income is steadily increasing. As a result, the vast majority of children living in the developed and developing countries today have enough to eat. They can go to school, wear nice clothes and live in comfortable houses with amenities such as heating and cooling. The main advantage of this change is that it has made kids’ lives more comfortable. Unfortunately, at the same time, it has made children unhealthy. Today they eat more junk food than healthy food and rarely flex their muscle. While the previous generation used to play outside in their leisure time, today young people stay glued to their smart screens whenever they get an opportunity. Unfortunately, this sedentary lifestyle has led to various lifestyle diseases among children. While diseases like heart trouble and diabetes only affected the elderly in the past, now they are common even among young children. Technology has also brought a considerable amount of comfort to children’s lives. Most children now go to school in a car or on a bus. They rarely walk even for short distances. In their spare time they watch TV or play computer games. While these activities can help them beat stress, studies have shown that prolonged exposure to the television or the computer hurts the attention span of children. In addition, juveniles who spend long hours on the computer tend to have lower grades and fewer real friends. They become introverted and sometimes even socially aloof. Little wonder that instances of psychological disorders like depression are rising among youngsters. To conclude, thanks to advances in technology and growing levels of affluence children today certainly enjoy many comforts that did not even exist 20 years ago. However, this can hardly be considered a positive trend because it has disastrous consequences for their physical and emotional well being.
Generally
speaking, the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
considerably
over the years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today
they enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
comforts and amenities that their parents had not even heard of in their childhood. The main causes of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
are the advances made in the field of technology and the growing income of families.

The number of households with disposable income is
steadily
increasing.
As a result
, the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living in the developed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to eat. They can go to school, wear nice clothes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in comfortable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
with amenities such as heating and cooling. The main advantage of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is that it has made kids’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more comfortable. Unfortunately, at the same time, it has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unhealthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Today
they eat more junk food than healthy food and rarely flex their muscle. While the previous generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play outside in their leisure time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
stay glued to their smart screens whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity. Unfortunately, this sedentary lifestyle has led to various lifestyle diseases among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While diseases like heart trouble and diabetes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the elderly in the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are common even among young children.

Technology has
also
brought a considerable amount of comfort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
go to school in a car or on a bus. They rarely walk even for short distances. In their spare time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV or play computer games. While these activities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them beat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, studies have shown that prolonged exposure to the television or the computer hurts the attention span of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
In addition
, juveniles who spend long hours on the computer tend to have lower grades and fewer real friends. They become introverted and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even
socially
aloof.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
wonder that instances of psychological disorders like depression are rising among youngsters.

To conclude
, thanks to advances in technology and growing levels of affluence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
certainly
enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
comforts that did not even exist 20 years ago.
However
, this can hardly
be considered
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has disastrous consequences for their physical and emotional
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Now we see a lot of comfort and convenience in the life of children. Their lifestyle has undergone a huge change in that their habits, activities and even social behavior are not what they used to be earlier. Which factors are responsible for this kind of change, and is it desirable or not? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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