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Now-a-days people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Now-a-days people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? m1WAO
In this modern world, social networking sites are making people more closer and everybody is aware of the news around them. In the following paragraphs merits and demerits will be discussed with examples before reaching a concrete conclusion. To begin with, there are different types of social platforms are available in today's world such as Facebook, Twitter and so on. For example, some people like to update their status of the day in which, what they did on that day. Consequently, friends and family members came to know about that update, some may discuss this with the concerned person in turn makes the people more closer. Secondly, these social platforms also provide us with latest news which is useful for every category of people like teenagers, business people, adults and so on. Many popular personalities express their views in social media based on any event occurred in any part of the world. Moreover, a lot of news channels also capture the comments from social media for providing clarity of the event to the public from various aspects. On the other hand, a group of mass misuse the facilities available in social media by abusing the persons based on their opinion and also to defame the individuals. Spreading of fake news without knowing the reality is also a issue faced on this new sites. To conclude, social media makes the people to be in touch with one another and also provide us with latest news updates. I firmly believe that, advantages outweigh disadvantages by considering all aspects.
In this modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use only "closer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more closer
and everybody is aware of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
around them. In the following paragraphs merits and demerits will
be discussed
with examples
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a concrete conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms are available in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world such as Facebook, Twitter and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to update their status of the day in which, what they did on that day.
Consequently
, friends and family members came to know about that update,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may discuss this with the concerned person in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use only "closer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more closer
.

Secondly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms
also
provide us with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
which is useful for every category of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, adults and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
popular personalities express their views in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
based on any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
occurred in any part of the world.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels
also
capture the comments from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
for providing clarity of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
to the public from various aspects.

On the other hand
, a group of mass misuse the facilities available in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
by abusing the persons based on their opinion and
also
to defame the individuals. Spreading of fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
without knowing the reality is
also
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
issue faced on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
sites.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be in touch with one another and
also
provide us with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
updates. I
firmly
believe that, advantages outweigh disadvantages by considering all aspects.
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IELTS essay Now-a-days people use social media to keep in touch with others and be aware of the news. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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