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now a days people spent more time for personal enjoyment.agree/disagree

now a days people spent more time for personal enjoyment. agree/disagree 3a75d
Personally, I disagree with the statement that people today spend too much time on personal enjoyment rather than doing things they should do. Almost all the people are doing different things out of their priority to make the family members happy or satisfy themselves. The responsibilities of parenthood sometimes prohibit a person to involve in personal enjoyment. I don't think anybody can enjoy taking care of small babies, act as a mediator to solve the children's issues or taking care of elderly people. It is really frustrating, but, no parent can escape from all those duties. I am a mother of two kids and I am sacrificing all my personal enjoyments to take care of my kids. So, nobody can say that now-a-days people are spending more time on personal enjoyment. Secondly, the financial status of a person or family won't allow him to indulge in various entertaintment activities. Everyone in this world would love to have a family vacation or to visit some tourist destinations every year. But, how many people are doing this? Even, my family is planning for a vacation to Disney land around three years. Hence, The financial status will prevent a person to do things he likes to do. Finally, all the people bound to do certain activities in their lives such as going to school, work, control body weight etc. I'm sure that nothing is enjoyable. In order to be accepted by the society and to satisfy ourselves, we are forced to be engaged in all those activities. In summary, even though it's very difficult to get time of our own happiness, it is really imporatant for a person to do his responsibilities and personal grooming. Later, when we look back, whatever the time we spend, and sacrifices we did for the family, could see in our life, that is going to be the ultimate reward for everyone.
Personally
, I disagree with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
spend too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
enjoyment
rather
than doing things they should do. Almost all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things out of their priority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members happy or satisfy themselves.

The responsibilities of parenthood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
prohibit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
enjoyment. I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
anybody can enjoy taking care of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
babies, act as a mediator to solve the children's issues or taking care of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
really
frustrating,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, no parent can escape from all those duties. I am a mother of two
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kids and
I am sacrificing all my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
enjoyments to take care of my kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, nobody can say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
enjoyment.

Secondly
, the financial status of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
him to indulge in various
Possible spelling mistake found.
entertaintment
activities. Everyone in this world would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
vacation or to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tourist destinations every year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are doing this? Even, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is planning for a vacation to Disney land around three years.
Hence
, The financial status will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to do things he likes to do.

Finally
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
bound to do certain activities in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
such as going to school, work, control body weight etc. I'm sure that nothing is enjoyable. In order to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the society and to satisfy ourselves, we
are forced
to
be engaged
in all those activities.

In summary,
even though
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
happiness, it is
really
Possible spelling mistake found.
imporatant
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to do his responsibilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
grooming. Later, when we look back, whatever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we spend, and sacrifices we did for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in our life,
that is
going to be the ultimate reward for everyone.
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IELTS essay now a days people spent more time for personal enjoyment. agree/disagree

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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