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prefer.young adults live with family or independent living

prefer. young adults live with family or independent living n6D6R
I think, it is better for young adults to live with their family. Family is the base or foundation in everybody's life. So, staying with the parents and siblings won't harm anybody and moreover, it has so many advantages also. Sometimes, youngsters often complaints about freedom and interference when they stay with their patents, but if we think about the financial benefits and family support, it's just nothing. First, young people who live with their family for a longer period of time get financial benefits from family. They don't have to pay anything for rent, food and sometimes cloths also. And, as a result they can save the money they are earning for their future. Moreover, if the person is a student, he can concentrate well in his studies because he don't have to work part-time to support himself. Secondly, the support and love one gets from his family member is countless. If there is any problem, we can discuss that with our siblings or parents and if we need any help, we can ask them without any hesitation. I lived with my parents until I graduated, and still I remember the care I received from my mother when I got infected with hepatitis virus. Finally, staying with the family help an young adult to protect from all the social problems. I knew few people, who are staying away from their parents, later on ended up with drugs and alcohol. If we stay with our parents, we would be afraid to do all these activities and that help us to become a nice individual. In conclusion, even though we can't get in to the house at midnight, still there are so many benefits if we live with our family. The freedom one can get from independent living can't replace the financial and emotional support from a family.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, it is better for young adults to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
is the base or foundation in everybody's life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, staying with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and siblings won't harm anybody and
moreover
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages
also
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
complaints about freedom and interference when they stay with their patents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the financial benefits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
, it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
nothing.

First
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for a longer period of time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
financial benefits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. They don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay anything for rent, food and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
cloths
also
. And,
as a result
they can save the money they are earning for their future.
Moreover
, if the person is a student, he can concentrate well in his studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "doesn't", "didn't".
don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work part-time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
himself.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member is countless. If there is any problem, we can discuss that with our siblings or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and if we need any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, we can ask them without any hesitation. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
until I graduated, and
still
I remember the care I received from my mother when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
infected with hepatitis virus.

Finally
, staying with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
young adult to protect from all the social problems. I knew few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who are staying away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, later on ended up with drugs and alcohol. If we stay with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, we would be afraid to do all these activities and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to become a nice individual.

In conclusion
,
even though
we can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
at midnight,
still
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The freedom one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from independent living can't replace the financial and emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
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IELTS essay prefer. young adults live with family or independent living

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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