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No one deny that the fact that humans are more separated than ever.

No one deny that the fact that humans are more separated than ever. kD6R
No one deny that the fact that humans are more separated than ever. And even more so when we decide to work together or work alone. While competition does encourage self growth, it does so through the inhibition of group contribution. Therefore, the only method of individual enlightenment and group contribution, which is more effective to progress, is working together. Competition does not assist individuals in obtaining crucial social skills. This can be found in an experiment that was conducted in 1992, where a doctor gave certain individual children the opportunity to solve a box puzzle. Each puzzle had the same problem and the same solution, and if one child attempted find the answer from the other, that was possible. Those who worked alone, without the aid of any help, solved this enigma slower. They were then recorded later in life to be - while more analytically intellegent, less fulfilled and less socially capable. Thus, comptetion, while promoting better self developement, does not promote the needed social capacity to engage. However, beyond this, not only does cooperation benefit one's own developement, it enables the individual to aquire soft skills for larger group contributions. This can be revealed in the same experiment that was performed with the antisocal and social children: the children who solved the puzzle with other childern, in relation to those who worked at it alone, solved the puzzel faster due to observation, and were later recorded as having more intimate relationships with family and friends in their adult lives. They also contributed more towards their working enviroments. While not being as academcially gifted, they learnt alot from those in the group. Therefore, cooperation stands a better chance at making contributions to society and the individual self. In conclusion, maybe being pitted against another child does improve that childs capacity to develope themselves, however, it limits their ability to make contributions in a social sphere. Consquently, those who decide to work along one another, will have the foundation to developement themselves and produce the required social skills. Social Skills are important i todays world, but i fear we might be loosing due to the indoctrination that we need to be competitive.
No one deny that the fact that humans are more separated than ever. And even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when we decide to work together or work alone. While competition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
encourage self growth, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
through the inhibition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
enlightenment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
, which is more effective to progress, is working together.

Competition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in obtaining crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. This can
be found
in an experiment that
was conducted
in 1992, where a doctor gave certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
children the opportunity to solve a box puzzle. Each puzzle had the same problem and the same solution, and if one child attempted find the answer from the other, that was possible. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
worked alone, without the aid of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, solved this enigma slower. They were then recorded later in life to be
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
while more
analytically
Possible spelling mistake found.
intellegent
, less fulfilled and less
socially
capable.
Thus
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
comptetion
, while promoting better self
Possible spelling mistake found.
developement
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
not promote the needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
capacity to engage.

However
, beyond this, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
does
cooperation benefit one's
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own
Possible spelling mistake found.
developement
, it enables the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
aquire
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contributions
. This can
be revealed
in the same experiment that
was performed
with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
antisocal
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
children: the children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
solved the puzzle with other
Possible spelling mistake found.
childern
, in relation to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
worked at it alone, solved the
Possible spelling mistake found.
puzzel
faster due to observation, and were later recorded as having more intimate relationships with family and friends in their adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They
also
contributed more towards their working
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroments
. While not being as
Possible spelling mistake found.
academcially
gifted, they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
from those in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
Therefore
, cooperation stands a better chance at making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contributions
to society and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
self.

In conclusion
, maybe
being pitted
against another child
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does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
that
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "children", the plural form of the noun 'child'?
childs
capacity to
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develope
themselves,
however
, it limits their ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contributions
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
sphere.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Consquently
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decide to work along one another, will have the foundation to
Possible spelling mistake found.
developement
themselves and produce the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
i
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
fear we might be loosing due to the indoctrination that we need to be competitive.
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IELTS essay No one deny that the fact that humans are more separated than ever.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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