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My messy bedroom and phone ringing

My messy bedroom and phone ringing BMEem
At precisely 7: 00 AM, my alarm clock spring up to life, I can see the sunlight while I am closing my eyes. My second alarm is my mom, she is doing her daily duty by calling me with sounds like an earthquake alarm to have breakfast. Unfortunately, I have no choices unless trying to open my heavy eyes. I am sitting on the bed with only one eye is opening. The familiar surroundings appear in front of me, my room is messier than the morning market. The bookshelf is full of a thick dust blanket which may be collected by a year. I look around to find an air conditioner remote which is harder to find than getting up. Then I see it on the corner of my desk, and I am stepping down from my bed to grab it. The cool floor makes me feel like I am standing on an ice rink, it is hard for me to move my leg on the freezing floor. To be honest, my bedroom’s floor looks like an undone jigsaw puzzle. Clothes, books, and dolls are lying down on the floor, the first thing that I grab is my lovely teddy bear. I put it back to the bed and making the bed before my mom come in with a hundred words. After that, I turn off the air conditioner, and my phone is ringing with a noisy ringtone. The hide and seek game begins again; I can hear it very closely, but I can not see it. I scroll my eyes 360 degrees, and sigh very loud; RIP to my stupidity. I want to turn it off badly, but where is it right now. I lift my blanket again after I already finished it, but there is no phone on my light pink bed. I am walking through the stuff land on the floor to the clothes basket, it may be in some of my pants pockets. A mountain of smelly clothes makes me uncomfortable to find it, it is difficult to looking by piece by piece of clothes. I put my hands in every pant, there are coins and plastics except the phone. Then I realize that I forget one pant pocket which is the one that I am wearing right now, I put my hand inside it. The thing that I find is my phone, and I can not stop laughing at my blurring brain. Overall, to give a lesson to me, tidy and clean everything in the bedroom as soon as possible. The forest-like bedroom is not healthy, I should make it clear today. This should not happen again, I promise to myself to tidy my room every weekend. Plus, my mom will be proud of me because I am going to do the thing that she asked me to do every day, but I always refused to do it.
At
precisely
7: 00 AM, my alarm clock spring up to life, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the sunlight while I am closing my eyes. My second alarm is my mom, she is doing her daily duty by calling me with sounds like an earthquake alarm to have breakfast. Unfortunately, I have no choices unless trying to open my heavy eyes.

I am sitting on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bed
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one eye is opening. The familiar surroundings appear in front of me, my room is messier than the morning market. The bookshelf is full of a thick dust blanket which may
be collected
by a year. I look around to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
an air conditioner remote which is harder to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
than getting up. Then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it on the corner of my desk, and I am stepping down from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bed
to grab it. The cool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
floor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me feel like I am standing on an ice rink, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
my leg on the freezing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
floor
. To be honest, my bedroom’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
floor
looks like an undone jigsaw puzzle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Clothes
, books, and dolls are lying down on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
floor
, the
first
thing that I grab is my lovely teddy bear. I put it back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bed
and making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my mom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in with a hundred words.

After that, I turn off the air conditioner, and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is ringing with a noisy ringtone. The
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hide and seek
game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
again; I can hear it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
closely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it. I scroll my eyes 360 degrees, and sigh
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
loud; RIP to my stupidity. I want to turn it off
badly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
where is it right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
lift my blanket again after I already finished it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
on my light pink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bed
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am walking through the stuff land on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
floor
to the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "clothes'" or "(clothes)'s"?
clothes
basket, it may be in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my pants pockets. A mountain of smelly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me uncomfortable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it, it is difficult to
Did you mean "look"?
looking
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "by piece".
by piece by piece
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. I put my hands in every pant, there are coins and plastics except the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. Then I realize that I forget one pant pocket which is the one that I am wearing right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I put my hand inside it. The thing that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
is my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, and I can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
laughing at my blurring brain.

Overall
, to give a lesson to me, tidy and clean everything in the bedroom as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. The forest-like bedroom is not healthy, I should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. This should not happen again, I promise to myself to tidy my room every weekend. Plus, my mom will be proud of me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am going to do the thing that she asked me to do every day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I always refused to do it.
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IELTS essay My messy bedroom and phone ringing

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
483 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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