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Music plays a vital role in society. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

Music plays a vital role in society. with this view? q5Mlp
It is often argued that music plays a key role in all parts of society such as different age groups and diversities is considered as beneficial and vital for people. Personally, I can exceedingly agree with this view. For a variety of reasons, it would be so effective for people listening to any types of music such as cool and smooth who work rather or under the pressure, this can make them more irritable and frustrated, despite being younger or senior. In fact, being aggressive and continues might lead people to severe helath problems like depression and dmaging mentally. However, music negates the negative behaviour and makes them feel relaxed and sense of refreshment. In addition, there are some types of music which can modify human's thinking agility and attitude towards life also have a huge impact in psyche well. What is more, it is equally essential in preserving the culture and heritage of society which can give government predisposition and enthusiasm. There is for instance a significant music fetival called " Sharq taronalari" which is hold once in two years in Uzbekistan. Furthermore, a lot of participants visit from foreign country to perform their own traditional and national music and dances due to the no limitations on rationality and ages groups. Besides, it is the best way of isplaying the information about these culture and patriotism to improve the connectivity among the people who have white or black skin and owned various ages. Nevertheless, the music has a negative affect for the memory. It is exactly true that, listening too much music can cause declining the level of the memory and there are several people who crazy about music are out of real life, they also have their own world that far from reality so because of that, this act is being caused many dangerous consequences. For exmaple, these days people tend to use earphones everywhere and everytime, therefore they do not pay a great attention to around, as a consequence, a lot of accidents are being occured. In conclusion, people gain more positivity and become less vulnurable to be worthless of music culture.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays a key role in all parts of society such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups and diversities
is considered
as beneficial and vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Personally
, I can
exceedingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

For a variety of reasons, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
effective for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listening to any types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
such as cool and smooth who work
rather
or under the pressure, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more irritable and frustrated, despite being younger or senior. In fact, being aggressive and continues might lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to severe
Possible spelling mistake found.
helath
problems like depression and
Possible spelling mistake found.
dmaging
mentally.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
negates the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel relaxed and sense of refreshment.
In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which can modify human's thinking agility and attitude towards life
also
have a huge impact in psyche well.
What is more
, it is
equally
essential in preserving the culture and heritage of society which can give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
predisposition and enthusiasm. There is
for instance
a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Possible spelling mistake found.
fetival
called
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sharq
Possible spelling mistake found.
taronalari
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
which is hold once in two years in Uzbekistan.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
participants visit from foreign country to perform their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traditional and national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and dances due to the no limitations on rationality and ages groups.
Besides
, it is the best way of
Possible spelling mistake found.
isplaying
the information about
Did you mean "this culture" or "these cultures"?
these culture
and patriotism to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the connectivity among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have white or black skin and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
various ages.

Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
for the memory. It is exactly true that, listening too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can cause declining the level of the memory and there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a crazy".
who crazy
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are out of real life, they
also
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
world that far from reality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, this act is
being caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
consequences. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
exmaple
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
earphones everywhere and
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
,
therefore
they do not pay a great attention to around, as a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
accidents are being
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain more positivity and become less
Possible spelling mistake found.
vulnurable
to be worthless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
culture.
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IELTS essay Music plays a vital role in society. with this view?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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