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music is played in every society and culture in the world today . sone people think that using music only brings benefits while others think it has negative influence on both

music is played in every society and culture in the world today. sone people think that using music only brings benefits while others think it has negative influence on both PLpjJ
In this modern epoch, music is consider as an important part of our life. However, Music is played in every corner of the world today. Meanwhile, sone people think that music brings only benefits to society. In my opinion, every thing has its pros and cons. I will elaborate my views in forthcoming paragraphs. TO commence with, music is an art. Initially, every person has own musical taste. Some people likes to hear pop music while some individuals prefer light music. Moving further, when person comes back from work he choose to listen music to relax his mind. Apart from it, religious music is connected to our soul. Paradoxically, some people consider it as sin. First of all, today's children are greatly addicted to music. Similarly, they starts to live in imaginary World as shown in musical videos. In addition to it, Loud music used at different places ( Gurudwaras, temples, DJ in marriage functions ) is responsible for noise pollution. Last but not least, loud music also effects student's education. For instance, if there is a DJ night in neighbourhood then child is not able to concentrate on his studies due to high volume. To recapitulate, every society has its own culture and tradition. so, music reflects cultural views of a particular society. meanwhile we can not say that music has only negative inpact on world. However, we should follow laws and rules for betterment of world. To examplify, many developed countries bbanned to use music after 10 p. m in night.
In this modern epoch,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our life.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is played
in every corner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Meanwhile,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefits to society. In my opinion, every thing has its pros and cons. I will elaborate my views in forthcoming paragraphs.

TO commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an art.
Initially
, every person has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
musical taste.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
likes
to hear pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals prefer light
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Moving
further
, when person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
back from work he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "chooses", "chose".
choose
to listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to relax his mind. Apart from it, religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is connected
to our soul.

Paradoxically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider it as sin.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's children are
greatly
addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Similarly
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "start"
starts
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in imaginary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
as shown in musical videos.
In addition
to it, Loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gurudwaras
, temples, DJ in marriage functions
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
is responsible for noise pollution. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
effects student's education.
For instance
, if there is a DJ night in
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
then child is not able to concentrate on his studies due to high volume.

To recapitulate, every society has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and tradition.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
reflects cultural views of a particular society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
meanwhile
we can not say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake found.
inpact
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
However
, we should follow laws and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for betterment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
Possible spelling mistake found.
bbanned
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
after 10 p. m in night.

IELTS essay music is played in every society and culture in the world today. sone people think that using music only brings benefits while others think it has negative influence on both

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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