Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It Is Better For Children If Whole Families Are Involved In Their Upbringing

It Is Better For Children If Whole Families Are Involved In Their Upbringing d3xjP
The rise of nuclear families and their effects on children’s upbringing lead to the question about whether children should be raised in an extended family in which their grandparents, uncles and aunts can contribute to their growth or not. While such families are not without their drawbacks, I believe that it is better for children to be reared in such families. To begin with, most children benefit from being reared in such families. It is widely acknowledged that the vast majority of young adults are always occupied with their full-time job tasks and have limited time for their children. Therefore, in nuclear families, children are more likely to spend excessive amounts of time playing online games which are addictive and offer rewards to encourage them to progress into advanced levels. Consequently, they waste a lot of time which should have been spent on doing their homework or playing a physical sport. Conversely, in extended families, children can be looked after by their aunts or grandparents who will ensure that they are fed on time and dedicate enough time to homework by supervising them. Besides, children can develop strong social skills which contribute to their future career success. Compared with those children who are reared in nuclear families, in extended families, they learn how to mingle with other family members who have diverse personalities and attitudes and this exposure will cultivate their interpersonal skills. This enables them to grow into adults with better social skills which prepare them better for the future job markets, since we are in an increasingly teamwork-oriented workplace where social skills are highly valued by employers.
The rise of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and their effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
upbringing lead to the question about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be raised
in an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in which their grandparents, uncles and aunts can contribute to their growth or not. While such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are not without their drawbacks, I believe that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be reared
in such families.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
benefit from
being reared
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. It is
widely
acknowledged that the vast majority of young adults are always occupied with their full-time job tasks and have limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to spend excessive amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing online games which are addictive and offer rewards to encourage them to progress into advanced levels.
Consequently
, they waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which should have
been spent
on doing their homework or playing a physical sport.

Conversely
, in extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be looked
after by their aunts or grandparents who will ensure that they
are fed
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and dedicate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to homework by supervising them.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop strong social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which contribute to their future career success. Compared with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are reared
in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, in extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, they learn how to mingle with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members who have diverse personalities and attitudes and this exposure will cultivate their interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. This enables them to grow into adults with better social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which prepare them better for the future job markets, since we are in an
increasingly
teamwork-oriented workplace where social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
highly
valued by employers.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay It Is Better For Children If Whole Families Are Involved In Their Upbringing

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 5band
    The given process provides information about producing sugar from sugarcane.
    The given process provides information about producing sugar from sugarcane. From a general perspective, there are 7 prominent stages in creating sugar, initiating with sugarcane, and culminating in sugar at different places such as the farm and the factory. At the first stage, sugarcane seeds are...
  • 6.5band
    Reading or watching newspaper is a waste of time as its not related to everyone's lives.
    These days, more and more human beings believe that reading as well as watching news is a waste of time. I completely agree with this opinion, and in this essay I will illustrate a number of arguments in favor of my opinion, also I will talk about few benefits of news. From an overall perspective, ...
  • 6.5band
    Some experts think that the best time for young people to learn a new language is at primary school.
    Some experts think that the best time for young people to learn a new language is at primary school. While this could bring many benefits and drawbacks. I believe that the advantages are far more than the disadvantages. Learning a foreign language at primary could have some possible disadvantages. ...
  • 5band
    How to reduce your pressure.
    How to reduce your pressure. At this time, I realize people, especially young people and students, have more pressure when they see people who are victorious in their positions. I share information articles about discovering a job that you will love. Peer pressure is inevitable in your life. You ca...
  • 5.5band
    University should accept boys and girls equally for every subject
    It is true that education are part and parcel of our life and the place where the education are providing play as vital role in every individual life, Consequently I considered both the points and shall delineate my points in the upcoming paragraphs First of all universities is that where the highe...
  • 5band
    narrative essay: : write an essay about your unforgetable memory
    What has made its mark in your life? For me, I had a vacation which I remember exactly. This is wonderful traveling with my friends at Sam Son beach last year. The trip started on Saturday and finished on evening Sunday. Before we started, we prepared a lot of essential things carefully such as foo...





Get more results for topic:
  • It Is Better For Children If Whole Families Are Involved In Their Upbringing