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Mothers generally stay home to take care of their children after pregnancy. Do you the opinion that these mothers should be supported by the government?

Mothers generally stay home to take care of their children after pregnancy. Do you the opinion that these mothers should be supported by the government? ww53
It is undisputable that mothers who have born a child recently should be paid maternity leave in order to look after their offspring. Personally, I agree with this notion, since growing up is a serious burden of parents. In the following paragraphs, I will put forth my arguments to support my point of view. On the one hand, maintenance by the side of the state has a great essence for mothers. Firstly, if a newborn child will be supported by the side of the government, parents may not work for nourishing their kid. Indeed, parents especially mothers have an integral role in developing and they are also responsible for upbringing of children. They are initial teacher of young generation. If mothers begin earn for living, there is a high chance to feel abandoned for children. On the one hand, children are generation who will rule the world after us. I mean, not only parents but the local administration also has an unchangeable influence on leaving intelligent and healthy society as well. So, in order to perform this mission successfully, parents should be given a parental leave. These assets will be spent on health, because it is not simply being free from diseases, to name but a few. In addition, proper education, food security and affordable medical care are contributory factors which the state can provide them. In conclusion, I am convinced that women should maintenance by the government after birthing to take care themselves, as bringing up do not depend on only from mothers.
It is undisputable that mothers who have born a child recently should
be paid
maternity
leave
in order to look after their offspring.
Personally
, I
agree
with this notion, since growing up is a serious burden of
parents
. In the following paragraphs, I will put forth my arguments to support my point of view.

On the one hand, maintenance by the side of the state has a great essence for mothers.
Firstly
, if a newborn child will
be supported
by the side of the
government
,
parents
may not work for nourishing their kid.
Indeed
,
parents
especially
mothers have an integral role in
developing and
they are
also
responsible for upbringing of children. They are initial teacher of young generation. If mothers
begin
earn for living, there is a high chance to feel abandoned for children.

On the one hand, children are generation who will
rule
the world after us. I mean, not
only
parents
but
the local administration
also
has an unchangeable influence on leaving intelligent and healthy society
as well
.
So
, in order to perform this mission
successfully
,
parents
should be
given
a parental
leave
. These assets will
be spent
on health,
because
it is not
simply
being free from diseases, to name
but
a few.
In addition
, proper education, food security and affordable medical care are contributory factors which the state can provide them.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that women should maintenance by the
government
after birthing to take care themselves, as bringing up do not depend on
only
from mothers.
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IELTS essay Mothers generally stay home to take care of their children after pregnancy. Do you the opinion that these mothers should be supported by the government?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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