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Most societies has its homeless people.some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money.

As we all know every country has a number of homeless peoples, and they do have some basic needs to survive. consequently they need food to feed their belly, clothes to wear and shelter is the necessary thing for them. So I believe that giving cash to them is not abundance to tackle these problems in long term. If we gave them specific amount of money they spend this cash on buying food and clothes. With this limited cash they wouldn't fulfill their all needs inpermanent way. Although, we should give them a good job with that they can fulfill their all needs. When they have jobbed they can earn money on weekky or monthly bases regularly. In this way they tackle their problems more effectively rather than giving money to them. Hence, in my perspective giving money to homeless wouldn't change their lives permanently.
As we all know every country has a number of homeless peoples, and they do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to survive.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
consequently
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
food to feed their belly, clothes to wear and shelter is the necessary thing for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I believe that giving cash to them is not abundance to tackle these problems in long term. If we gave them specific amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they spend this cash on buying food and clothes. With this limited cash they wouldn't fulfill their all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
Possible spelling mistake found.
inpermanent
way.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, we should give them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job with that they can fulfill their all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. When they have jobbed they can earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
weekky
or monthly bases
regularly
. In this way they tackle their problems more
effectively
rather
than giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to them.
Hence
, in my perspective giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to homeless wouldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
permanently
.
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IELTS essay Most societies has its homeless people. some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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