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In many countries students are engaged in some sort of paid work . Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. What is your opinion?

While some individuals think that doing a part-time job is beneficial for international students, others disagree with the statement. I believe, joining a company beside education is absolutely appreciable considering the positive impacts it brings to the participants. On the one hand, employment supports academic costs and helps the student to grow as a person. When a trainee is associated in any occupation, he is not only getting remuneration but also become familiar with the practical tasks. These achievements help that participant to bear his study expense as well as become competent in many areas of work. Consequently, this person gets to know about the value of money and become skilful in professional and personal life. For example, in Canada, many Bangladeshi course takers are involved in temporary jobs, which subsidize their expenditures and promote them to settle there permanently. Nevertheless, professional in participation harm studies. Because, when students join in occupations, they get few time for reading; as a result, they hardly can relate them in the class lectures and do well in the exam. Moreover, some people become so habituated with their professions in sense of incoming more that some of them dropped out amind of the studies to serve these. Thus, the main purpose of the student evolves with other aspects. However, in most of the overseas studies, foreign participants have constant periods of working hours considering the course curriculum, such as in Australia, international candidates are allowed do 40 hours of paid-jobs in a week; hence, they easily can balance their academic, personal and professional life. In conclusion, people have contrasting views, whether doing the job along with study is advantageous for the students or not. I think the pros of servicing outweigh the cons as it enhances the financial stability of a person as well as acquainted him with on-hand tasks.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that doing a part-time job is beneficial for international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, others disagree with the statement. I believe, joining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
beside education is
absolutely
appreciable considering the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts it brings to the participants.

On the one hand, employment supports academic costs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to grow as a person. When a trainee
is associated
in any occupation, he is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
getting remuneration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
familiar with the practical tasks. These achievements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
that participant to bear his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
expense
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
competent in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas of work.
Consequently
, this person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to know about the value of money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
in professional and personal life.
For example
, in Canada,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Bangladeshi course takers
are involved
in temporary jobs, which subsidize their expenditures and promote them to settle there
permanently
.

Nevertheless
, professional in participation harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in occupations, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible agreement error. The noun time seems to be countable; consider using: "few times".
few time
for reading;
as a result
, they hardly can relate them in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
lectures and do well in the exam.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
habituated with their professions in sense of incoming more that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them dropped out
Possible spelling mistake found.
amind
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
to serve these.
Thus
, the main purpose of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
evolves with other aspects.
However
, in most of the overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, foreign participants have constant periods of working hours considering the course curriculum, such as in Australia, international candidates are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
Please check whether 'to' is missing here (to allow to do something).
do
40 hours of paid-jobs in a week;
hence
, they
easily
can balance their academic, personal and professional life.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have contrasting views, whether doing the job along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is advantageous for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
or not. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the pros of servicing outweigh the cons as it enhances the financial stability of a person
as well
as acquainted him with on-hand tasks.
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IELTS essay In many countries students are engaged in some sort of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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