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Most schools are planning to replace sport and exercise classes with more academic sessions. How will this change affect children’s lives in your view?

Most schools are planning to replace sport and exercise classes with more academic sessions. How will this change affect children’s lives in your view? n70o
The debate between where to allocate valuable teaching resources probably started with the first educational institutions. In present-day society the conflict continues and rightly so. In my opinion converting sports classes to more traditional subjects has two significant advantages. Firstly, it is a more effective use of a student’s time. Secondly, in the future, academic skills are more useful. Switching time spent on sport in a school to time spent on more academic activities is a wise and cost-effective solution. Firstly, academic studies are inherently less expensive to perform when compared to physical education. For example, to play almost any sport one has to invest in the appropriate equipment, ranging from shorts, t-shirts to rackets and balls. Furthermore, excess time is spent in the changing rooms or washing afterwards. In more traditional subjects, students merely enter the classroom and are learning within minutes. Secondly, sport can be argued as an activity practised naturally by children, especially boys. In every school at break time many children engage in energetic activities, whereas hardly any are studying algebra, biology or physics. Because these subjects are less popular more resources should be allocated to teaching them. In addition, academic skills could be argued as more important due to the small number of people in society currently using sport skills in a work environment. Thus, focussing on skills demanded by the labour market would benefit students’ lives dramatically in the future. To conclude, young learners going through school would finish much better prepared for life avoiding sport tuition. Furthermore, they would have taken full advantage of their school years through more time spent learning.
The debate between where to allocate valuable teaching resources
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the
first
educational institutions. In present-day society the conflict continues and
rightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. In my opinion converting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
classes to more traditional subjects has two significant advantages.
Firstly
, it is a more effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a student’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Secondly
, in the future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are more useful.

Switching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
activities is a wise and cost-effective solution.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
studies are
inherently
less expensive to perform when compared to physical education.
For example
, to play almost any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
invest in the appropriate equipment, ranging from shorts, t-shirts to rackets and balls.
Furthermore
, excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
in the changing rooms or washing afterwards. In more traditional subjects, students
merely
enter the classroom and are learning within minutes.

Secondly
,
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sport
can
be argued
as an activity
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
naturally
by children,
especially
boys. In every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children engage in energetic activities, whereas hardly any are studying algebra, biology or physics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these subjects are less popular more resources should
be allocated
to teaching them.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
could
be argued
as more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in society
currently
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in a work environment.
Thus
, focussing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
demanded by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market would benefit students’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
dramatically
in the future.

To conclude
, young learners going through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
would finish much better prepared for life avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
tuition.
Furthermore
, they would have taken full advantage of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
years through more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
learning.

IELTS essay Most schools are planning to replace sport and exercise classes with more academic sessions. How will this change affect children’s lives in your view?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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