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In many countries today, average weight of people is increasing. What has led to this situation? What can be done to solve this problem?

In many countries today, average weight of people is increasing. What has led to this situation? What can be done to solve this problem? 8EA5
Nowadays there lots of countries where the number of people has been boosting day by day. This essay will mention which reasons causes this matter and how it can be handled. As we know, usually we can notice this situation in underdeveloped countries such as India, Pakistan or African countries. In my opinion main reason of the increasing of people is poverty and religion. Generally, women can not go to the doctor to inhibit for being pregnant due to lack of money and drugs which block being pregnant are pretty hazardous for people’ organism. Even if they want to have an abortion, for example, they will not to because to their religion it is the biggest fault to the child. As a result, the only chance for them is giving birth and this beats a path the rising of average of people. On the contrary, the rise in quantity of people is the danger for all countries including developed ones. Consequently, they can show financial support to them to improve their medical system for women and to increase the number of gynecologists. Except from this a state need a restriction to give birth more than certain amount children. In this case, according to having a chance and restriction the increase in the number of people will return to normalcy. For example, Chine possess more than a billion of people and there is a rule what to forbid to have more than one child in a family that is why a rise is stable now. In conclusion, poverty is the primary occasion for this issue and it can be solved by helping of other countries and a little change in rules.
Nowadays there lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has been boosting day by day. This essay will mention which reasons
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "cause".
causes
this matter and how it can
be handled
.

As we know,
usually
we can notice this situation in underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as India, Pakistan or African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In my opinion main reason of the increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is poverty and religion.
Generally
, women can not go to the doctor to inhibit for being pregnant due to lack of money and drugs which block being pregnant are pretty hazardous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
organism. Even if they want to have an abortion,
for example
, they will not to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to their religion it is the biggest fault to the child.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
chance for them is giving birth and this beats a path the rising of average of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the contrary
, the rise in quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
including developed ones.
Consequently
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
financial support to them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their medical system for women and to increase the number of gynecologists. Except from this a state need a restriction to give birth more than certain amount children.
In this case
, according to having a chance and restriction the increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will return to normalcy.
For example
, Chine possess more than a billion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
what to forbid to have more than one child in a family
that is
why a rise is stable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

In conclusion
, poverty is the primary occasion for this issue and it can
be solved
by helping of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
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IELTS essay In many countries today, average weight of people is increasing. What has led to this situation? What can be done to solve this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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