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most people would prefer to work for themselves rather someone else. Do you agree with this statement ?

most people would prefer to work for themselves rather someone else. m2DOq
A growing body of opinion supports the view that the majority of people favor working for themselves over working for others. As a matter of fact, this concept always has a divisive influence on our deep-rooted belief, especially triggers people who have been serving long-term for other individuals. From my point of view, I am in total agreement with this idea due to a number of its benefits. The following essay may explain this point in detail. Primarily, working for ourselves will be a crucial stepping stone to make our dream come true. It is undeniably true that we humans harbor a specific plan or intention to gain huge success in the area of interest. When we have already got an obvious perception of our goal, we’ll guide ourselves on self-learning to master that field. Furthermore, with the outpouring energy and passion to work for our own project, we will soon receive the equivalent result emerging out of uncountable failures. On the contrary, assuming that we locked ourselves with the unstoppable circulation of working for others, waited for such a long period of time to get career advancement, and then attached with the dead-end job in the latter years of life, we would definitely feel regretful for not dedicating enough to our dreams. In addition, working for ourselves enables us to be financially independent. By building our project, we, as the main leader, can easily adjust the policy or form diverse ideas to maximize profits rather than conforming to others’ rules. Once acquiring a fairly adequate amount of expertise, we can expand our development scale or subsidiaries, broaden the portfolios of investment, such as property or stock, to make passive income. In this way, we can regulate to plan for early retirement. Otherwise, we have to work until 60 years old living off a tiny sum of pension, which leaves us in great debt, poverty and not provides financial security for the development of our kids. In conclusion, I believe that working for ourselves brings about many benefits ranging from having a chance to making our dream come true to creating a steady stream of money to become financially independent.
A growing body of opinion supports the view that the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
favor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for themselves over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for others. As a matter of fact, this concept always has a divisive influence on our deep-rooted belief,
especially
triggers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have been serving long-term for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals. From my point of view, I am in total agreement with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
due to a number of its benefits. The following essay may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this point in detail.

Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ourselves
will be a crucial stepping stone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true. It is
undeniably
true that we humans harbor a specific plan or intention to gain huge success in the area of interest. When we have already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
an obvious perception of our goal, we’ll guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ourselves
on self-learning to master that field.
Furthermore
, with the outpouring energy and passion to work for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
project, we will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
receive the equivalent result emerging out of uncountable failures.
On the contrary
, assuming that we locked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ourselves
with the unstoppable circulation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for others, waited for such a long period of time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
career advancement, and then attached with the dead-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
job in the latter years of life, we would definitely feel regretful for not dedicating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to our dreams.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ourselves
enables us to be
financially
independent. By building our project, we, as the main leader, can
easily
adjust the policy or form diverse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to maximize profits
rather
than conforming to others’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. Once acquiring a
fairly
adequate amount of expertise, we can expand our development scale or subsidiaries, broaden the portfolios of investment, such as property or stock, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
passive income. In this way, we can regulate to plan for early retirement.
Otherwise
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work until 60 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
living off a tiny sum of pension, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
us in great debt, poverty and not provides financial security for the development of our kids.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ourselves
brings about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits ranging from having a chance to making our dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true to creating a steady stream of money to become
financially
independent.
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IELTS essay most people would prefer to work for themselves rather someone else.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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