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Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? yXP7g
A festival is the celebration of an agricultural or a religious traditional event. While some festivals have lost their original purposes, I disagree that they are merely for entertainment; instead, there is significant effort to revive the tradition of our ancestors. The origin of festivals is linked to agriculture and religions. In the harvest season, after a year of hard work, rewarded by ample food, people could finally enjoy themselves with music and ritual ceremonies. As a result, tradition and religious festivals were created to provide entertainment and group cohesion. Various festivals started to appear throughout history, each had its own cultural and religious meaning. The Industrialization Revolution has made agriculture less important, which has resulted in a decline in cultural awareness. The Halloween was originally a harvest festival of the Gaelic, however, recently it has become an entertainment event, with people wearing costumes and drinking in the night. The same thing happened in Vietnam not so long ago, where Hau Dong - the practice of spirit mediums - gradually declined in the twentieth century. However, there is a rise of traditional awareness around the world. For example, Hau Dong has been revived, with thousands of people attending the festival. Numerous efforts to signify the importance of cultural identity have been made worldwide, such as teaching history lessons to the children, or preservation and translation ancient texts into modern languages. Furthermore, many young people are growing interest in their tradition, with the celebration of ancient festivals like The Olympics Games is a clear evidence. To summarize, I acknowledge that some festivals have lost their original meanings. However, the effort to reinvigorate our culture has made significant impacts, thus the traditional and religious of festivals will be preserved into the future
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
is the celebration of an agricultural or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
have lost their original purposes, I disagree that they are
merely
for entertainment;
instead
, there is significant effort to revive the tradition of our ancestors. The origin of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
is linked
to agriculture and religions. In the harvest season, after a year of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, rewarded by ample food,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
finally
enjoy themselves with music and ritual ceremonies.
As a result
, tradition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
were created
to provide entertainment and group cohesion. Various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to appear throughout history, each had its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cultural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
meaning.

The Industrialization Revolution has made agriculture less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, which has resulted in a decline in cultural awareness. The Halloween was
originally
a harvest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
of the Gaelic,
however
, recently it has become an entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wearing costumes and drinking in the night.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
same thing happened in Vietnam not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long ago, where
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hau
Dong
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the practice of spirit mediums
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
gradually
declined in the twentieth century.

However
, there is a rise of traditional awareness around the world.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hau
Dong has
been revived
, with thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
. Numerous efforts to signify the importance of cultural identity have
been made
worldwide, such as teaching history lessons to the children, or preservation and translation ancient texts into modern languages.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are growing interest in their tradition, with the celebration of ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
like The Olympics Games is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence.

To summarize
, I acknowledge that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
have lost their original meanings.
However
, the effort to reinvigorate our culture has made significant impacts,
thus
the traditional and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
religious
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
will
be preserved
into the future
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IELTS essay Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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