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Most people are undoubtedly influenced by heavy commercialization and advertising of products; consumers are buying out of desire more than necessity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Most people are undoubtedly influenced by heavy commercialization and advertising of products; consumers are buying out of desire more than necessity. with this opinion? 2bg5X
Telemarketing, transit advertising and many kinds of advertisements, mostly try to be eye-catching for their target audience. For this reason, most spectators are persuaded to purchase numerous merchandise; however, these products may not be urgently needed. This happens because of the huge effects of commercials, celebrity endorsements as well as sponsorships that push people to acquire several promotions by using inspiring quotes. I discern that advertisements sometimes bear negative effects on sliding into empty shelves, and this will be outlined below. To begin with, many individuals want to obtain their daily basic needs, and they can do that via watching advertisements; however, some citizens purchase useless products because they have just seen famous football players and role models promoting this merchandise. In other words, some spectators decide to take after their preferable celebrities, for instances, wearing the same shirts, obtaining the same cars and using same cell phones as well. This is proven by, many youngsters bought a certain book after they had seen Mohammed Salah, Liverpool club football player, promoting this book on social media; however, these fans may not read this book. For this reason, I discern people may buy a promotion just because they have seen their favourite player promoting it on social platforms. In addition to this, it can be stated that a lot of people nowadays are addicted to buying clothes regardless of these costumes would meet individuals’ needs. To explain, every year British people throw away dozens of tons of costumes; however, these clothes are too old to be trashed. This can be proven by, based on a conducted survey in Cambridge University, every year British authorities grapple with 30 tons of trashed clothes; however, most these costumes are in reasonable condition and may be used once again. Hence, I am of the belief that many men and women are addicted to purchasing many products regardless of their importance. In conclusion, after this essay has manifested the negative aspects of being affected by promoting merchandise, I can state that this may lead to empty shelves because sometimes people purchase products over they need.
Telemarketing, transit advertising and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of advertisements,
mostly
try to be eye-catching for their target audience.
For this reason
, most spectators
are persuaded
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
numerous merchandise;
however
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
may not be
urgently
needed. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the huge effects of commercials, celebrity endorsements
as well
as sponsorships that push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to acquire several promotions by using inspiring quotes. I discern that advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
bear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on sliding into empty shelves, and this will
be outlined
below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals want to obtain their daily basic needs, and they can do that via watching advertisements;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
useless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
football players and role models
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
this merchandise.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spectators decide to take after their preferable celebrities, for instances, wearing the same shirts, obtaining the same cars and using same cell phones
as well
. This
is proven
by,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a certain book after they had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
Mohammed Salah, Liverpool club football player,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
this book on social media;
however
, these fans may not read this book.
For this reason
, I discern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a promotion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
it on social platforms.

In addition
to this, it can
be stated
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
are addicted
to buying clothes regardless of these costumes would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
individuals’ needs. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, every year British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throw away dozens of tons of costumes;
however
, these clothes are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
to
be trashed
. This can
be proven
by, based on a conducted survey in Cambridge University, every year British authorities grapple with 30 tons of trashed clothes;
however
, most these costumes are in reasonable condition and may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
once again.
Hence
, I am of the belief that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
are addicted
to purchasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
regardless of their importance.

In conclusion
, after this essay has manifested the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
merchandise, I can state that this may lead to empty shelves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
over they need.
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IELTS essay Most people are undoubtedly influenced by heavy commercialization and advertising of products; consumers are buying out of desire more than necessity. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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