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Something about the education of the young people in the main educational priority of countries. But others believe that educating the adults who cannot read and write is needed by society and we should help more with it. To what extent, do you agree or disagree with their opinion

Something about the education of the young people in the main educational priority of countries. But others believe that educating the adults who cannot read and write is needed by society and we should help more with it. To what extent, with their opinion YL32B
Some sets of people argue that grown up literacy is the problematic issue and should the national budget youth education in grownup's education, however, I cannot accept the view considering that the benefits of the governments and the potential growth of children through the young student studying. Admittedly, I partly agree that adult literacy, which is the essential skill for living in modern society is a worrying issue to not only the government but also individuals. This is because under-learning cannot move forward one's life smoothly and might ruin one's economic prospects. More specifically, it is an undeniable truth that uneducated people are here to get a satisfactory job since nowadays most of the companies has been changed the business area which was tertiary industries that manufacturing products to forth industry that manufacturing cutting edge skills including, artificial intelligences, thus they are in there of hiring applicants with specialised skill and professional knowledge. As a result, the adult who does not have basic abilities cannot choose to work in a limited working area, such as cleaning jobs or delivering something. It might lead them to live with low salaries and will remain to live at the bottom of the social status. From the perspective of the ministry, the matter is exigent matter to solve through educating them. Nevertheless, I, as one of the opponents of this view, would like to point out two things. First of all, the country's development assessment is judged by the level of children’s schooling. From the view of the authority, this assessment is crucial in that it shows the potential of the nation's future, in other words, the future workforce. Thus, if the country has a high level of the child's training, then it will show that those children grow into a person with stable occupations available to pay higher taxes, such as a doctor, a teacher, or an engineer. This is the reason why the state spent a large amount of budget on the children's study. Furthermore, when it comes to thinking about the opposite side which is the national taxes have diverted into adult study, under-educated children will highly possibly fall into the swamp of the crime. Considering the nature of the children, unlike the adults, children are not mature enough to distinguish right from wrong and easily be affected by external environments. In addition, another potentially problematic issue is that less-educated children might grow into a person who the authority trying to educate. In conclusion, the government that prioritizes the potential merits should spend the national budget to young children, despite the advantages that grown up education would bring.
Some
sets of
people
argue that grown up literacy is the problematic issue and should the national budget youth education in grownup's education,
however
, I cannot accept the view considering that the benefits of the
governments
and the potential growth of
children
through the young student studying.

Admittedly
, I partly
agree
that adult literacy, which is the essential
skill
for living in modern society is a worrying issue to not
only
the
government
but
also
individuals. This is
because
under-learning cannot
move
forward one's life
smoothly
and might ruin one's economic prospects. More
specifically
, it is an undeniable truth that uneducated
people
are here to
get
a satisfactory job since nowadays most of the
companies
has been
changed
the business area which was tertiary industries that manufacturing products to forth industry that manufacturing cutting edge
skills
including, artificial intelligences,
thus
they are in there of hiring applicants with
specialised
skill
and professional knowledge.
As a result
, the adult who does not have basic abilities cannot choose to work in a limited working area, such as cleaning jobs or delivering something. It might lead them to
live
with low salaries and will remain to
live
at the bottom of the social status. From the perspective of the ministry, the matter is exigent matter to solve through educating them.

Nevertheless
, I, as one of the opponents of this view, would like to point out two things.
First of all
, the country's development assessment
is judged
by the level of
children’s
schooling. From the view of the authority, this assessment is crucial in that it
shows
the potential of the nation's future,
in other words
, the future workforce.
Thus
, if the country has a high level of the child's training, then it will
show
that those
children
grow into a person with stable occupations available to pay higher taxes, such as a doctor, a teacher, or an engineer. This is the reason why the state spent a large amount of budget on the children's study.
Furthermore
, when it
comes
to thinking about the opposite side which is the national taxes have diverted into adult study, under-educated
children
will
highly
possibly
fall into the swamp of the crime. Considering the nature of the
children
, unlike the
adults
,
children
are not mature
enough
to distinguish right from
wrong
and
easily
be
affected
by external environments.
In addition
, another
potentially
problematic issue is that less-educated
children
might grow into a person who the authority trying to educate.

In conclusion
, the
government
that prioritizes the potential merits should spend the national budget to young
children
, despite the advantages that grown up education would bring.
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IELTS essay Something about the education of the young people in the main educational priority of countries. But others believe that educating the adults who cannot read and write is needed by society and we should help more with it. To what extent, with their opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
437 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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