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How Birthdays are celebrated in your home country?

How Birthdays are celebrated in your home country? QLn8L
Birthdays are important commemorative days in a lot of cultures. In my country, Brazil, it is not different. Brazilians enjoy planning and executing a birthday party as manny other people in the world. Fallowing I will be detailed about how Birthdays are celebrated in Brazil. To start, we prepare delicious food. Commonly, Brazilians culinary books have a special chapter for party food. There are recipes of national finger foods such as pasteis, coxinhas, and empadas. In addition, recipes of sweet treats as chocolate truffles, cakes, and candies. For example, last week was my daughter's birthday. Then, I prepared a traditional " brigadeiro" birthday cake, the Brazilian kids' favorite cake. This is a super wet chocolate cake with chocolate fudge icing, and sparkles. That is divine! ! My daughter's American friends delighted eating that wondefull cake. Next, we give a particular importance on dance and on music. With all this years living in the USA, I noticed that it is rare to have birthday parties with music being played. I had been going in several American parties and people do not dance or listen to music. Sometimes I get really bored during this parties. Anyone who goes to a Bithday celebration in Brazil can enjoy fun music and choreographies of samba, axe, and forro. Sometimes, a birthday party can last all night long because everyone get so excited and happy that they do not find a reason to go back to home. Concluding, many cultures celebrate birthdays. In my home country, Brazil, we enjoy eating good food, listening to music, and dancing. That is how Brazilians celebrate Birthdays.
Birthdays are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
commemorative days in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cultures. In my country, Brazil, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. Brazilians enjoy planning and executing a birthday
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party
as
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manny
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world. Fallowing I will
be detailed
about how Birthdays
are celebrated
in Brazil.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, we prepare delicious
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food
.
Commonly
, Brazilians culinary books have a special chapter for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. There are recipes of national finger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
pasteis
,
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coxinhas
, and
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empadas
.
In addition
, recipes of sweet treats as chocolate truffles,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cakes
, and candies.
For example
, last week was my daughter's birthday. Then, I prepared a traditional
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&quot
;
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brigadeiro&quot
; birthday
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cake
, the Brazilian kids' favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
. This is a super wet chocolate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
with chocolate fudge icing, and sparkles.
That is
divine! ! My daughter's American friends delighted eating that
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wondefull
cake.

Next
, we give a particular importance on dance and on
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music
. With all
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this years
living in the USA, I noticed that it is rare to have birthday
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parties
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
being played
. I had been going in several American
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parties
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not dance or listen to
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music
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
really
bored during
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this
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parties
. Anyone who goes to a
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Bithday
celebration in Brazil can enjoy fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
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choreographies
of samba, axe, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
forro
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, a birthday
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party
can last all night long
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because
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "gets", "got".
get
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so
excited and happy that they do not find a reason to go back to home.

Concluding,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures celebrate birthdays. In my home country, Brazil, we enjoy eating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, and dancing.
That is
how Brazilians celebrate Birthdays.
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IELTS essay How Birthdays are celebrated in your home country?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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