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Most of young people not attend classical music and concerts in some countries. Why? Should people encourage to attend traditional music

Most of young people not attend classical music and concerts in some countries. Why? Should people encourage to attend traditional music VP5DK
Attending classical music concerts and playing classical music is not very popular these days in some of the countries. This is because, young people are not exposed to the participation in the creation of music in the classical genre. More so, most people are not aware of the history and beauty of classical music. Therefore, I believe that young people should be encouraged to participate in classical music by going concert as well as learning the art of the music. The main reason as to why few young people participate in the development of classical music is because there are a few mentors and teachers who will help them get exposed to the music and eventually take part in learning and creating the music. Exposure to the music will encourage the participation of students at a young age. For instance, schools should encourage active participation of students in all music genres including classical music. The second reason why few young people don't participate in classical music is because they do not understand the history and the purpose of classical music. As a result of this, most of them would not relate to the beauty of the music genre by itself. A good example would be when teachers not only expose students to the genre but instead they should even more teach about history in order to spark the interests of the young minds in the musical creation. Therefore, adding mentors in classical music will help increase interest of learners. I believe that young people should be encouraged to attend classical music concerts as well as to play the classical instruments. This can be done by encouraging institution to arrange for concert and competitions in the genre. Encouraging young people to participate in classical music will build their interest and passion to the art. For example, inter-university competitions would have great input for the young people as it will not only facilitate awareness but also there would be prices to be won. Thus, young people should be encouraged to get involved in learning more about classical music. In conclusion, to increase the popularity of young people in playing and attending classical music concerts is through early mentorship in that particular genre.
Attending
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classical
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music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not
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very
popular these days in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
countries. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not exposed to the participation in the creation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genre
. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware of the history and beauty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Therefore
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
by going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
as well
as learning the art of the music.

The main reason as to why few
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are a few mentors and teachers who will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in learning and creating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Exposure to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will encourage the participation of students at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age.
For instance
, schools should encourage active participation of students in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
genres including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. The second reason why few
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not understand the history and the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
As a result
of this, most of them would not relate to the beauty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genre
by itself. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example would be when teachers not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
expose students to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genre
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
they should even more teach about history in order to spark the interests of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds in the musical creation.
Therefore
, adding mentors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
increase interest of learners.

I believe that
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
as well
as to play the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
instruments. This can
be done
by encouraging institution to arrange for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
and competitions in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genre
. Encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will build their interest and passion to the art.
For example
, inter-university competitions would have great input for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
facilitate awareness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there would be prices to
be won
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in learning more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
music.

In conclusion
, to increase the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in playing and attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concerts
is through early mentorship in that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genre
.
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IELTS essay Most of young people not attend classical music and concerts in some countries. Why? Should people encourage to attend traditional music

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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