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Ex: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Ex: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 2
Discussing about how to help poorer countries from rich countries. Some people consider that the rich countries should provide with poor countries in different aspects rather than only supporting their financial. In my opinion, I agree with this ideal. Why the rich countries should be to support poorer countries in others different fields? Although giving money from those countries can help financials of poorer countries, however, people who live in poorer countries depends on the financial of rich countries so that it is not good for their help. Instead of the government in the rich countries should be invest into human or maybe technologies. For example, providing into their education system by assistance equipment, build more schools that improve cognitive abilities, helping them learn diversity and broaden their horizon especially children. In addition, for economic of modernization and industrialization invest into technology which is one of the best solutions in variety fields. Firstly, the agriculture which creating food and drinks from cultivation, owning helping people can self-sufficient for their life. Secondly, providing into the industry that one of the keys by the ways offer more tools, software which improving product manufacturing capacity, in other words, unemployment will have more good opportunity to earn money for themselves. Thanks to, it helps the proportion of unemployment decrease instead of the rate both of economy and living standards increase gradually more In conclusion, I think that the rich countries have many aspects to support for the poor countries that meaning the poor counties always have a more positive outlook for their life.
Did you mean simply "Discussing how"? You do not need the word "about" here.
Discussing about how
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should provide with poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
supporting their financial. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this ideal.

Why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should be to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields? Although giving money from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
financials of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
depends on
The phrase 'the financial of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the financial of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
Instead
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should be
Consider using the past participle "invested"?
invest
into human or maybe technologies.
For example
, providing into their education system by assistance equipment, build more schools that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
cognitive abilities, helping them learn diversity and broaden their horizon
especially
children.
In addition
, for economic of modernization and industrialization invest into technology which is one of the best solutions in variety fields.
Firstly
, the agriculture which creating food and drinks from cultivation, owning helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can self-sufficient for their life.
Secondly
, providing into the industry that one of the keys by the ways offer more tools, software which improving product manufacturing capacity,
in other words
, unemployment will have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to earn money for themselves. Thanks to, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the proportion of unemployment decrease
instead
of the rate both of economy and living standards increase
gradually
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
more


In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects to support for the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that meaning the poor counties always have a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outlook for their life.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Ex: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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