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Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. with this opinion? JoLRE
A number of industrialized nations have injected a huge amount of money into the developments of costly medical technology and processes while some argue that the expense, instead, should go to health education to prevent illness beforehand. Although I personally agree with this opinion, I believe that the government should balance both fields to provide a better well-being for the citizens. Firstly, the investment in advanced medical technology has brought about great benefits to the research of diseases. For the past centuries, epidemics have been rocketing which cause the death of million people. It is not likely to combat these bacteria without the aid of contemporary equipment and modern technology to learn and find the cures. Furthermore, high medical techniques facilitate more accurate diagnosis which can be effective for the treatment. Correspondingly, doctors are able to prescribe correct medicines and the time and money of patients would be saved from false detection and poor remedies. However, health education is also significantly relevant to the people’s awareness. Based on the rapid growth of the society, numerous practices like consuming high calories food, drinking and smoking or having bad postures have affected many vital organs. Therefore, it is necessary for the government to include health knowledge in different areas such as in the school curriculum or on the media so that the alertness is spread among people. Moreover, the possibility of being infected can be decreased provided that the community knows how to prevent and acknowledge even basic information about the diseases. In conclusion, either funding money into advanced medical technology or health education result in better health conditions for the citizens. In my way of thinking, these two fields should act in concert to provide efficacious treatments and contribute to raise public awareness about health.
A number of industrialized nations have injected a huge amount of money into the developments of costly
medical
technology
and processes while
some
argue that the expense,
instead
, should go to
health
education to
prevent
illness beforehand. Although I
personally
agree
with this opinion, I believe that the
government
should balance both fields to provide a better well-being for the citizens.

Firstly
, the investment in advanced
medical
technology
has brought about great benefits to the research of diseases. For the past centuries, epidemics have been rocketing which cause the death of million
people
. It is not likely to combat these bacteria without the aid of contemporary equipment and modern
technology
to learn and find the cures.
Furthermore
, high
medical
techniques facilitate more accurate diagnosis which can be effective for the treatment.
Correspondingly
, doctors are able to prescribe correct medicines and the time and money of patients would
be saved
from false detection and poor remedies.

However
,
health
education is
also
significantly
relevant to the
people
’s awareness. Based on the rapid growth of the society, numerous practices like consuming high
calories
food, drinking and smoking or having
bad
postures have
affected
many
vital organs.
Therefore
, it is necessary for the
government
to include
health
knowledge in
different
areas such as in the school curriculum or on the media
so
that the alertness
is spread
among
people
.
Moreover
, the possibility of
being infected
can
be decreased
provided that the community knows how to
prevent
and acknowledge even basic information about the diseases.

In conclusion
, either funding money into advanced
medical
technology
or
health
education result in better
health
conditions for the citizens. In my way of thinking, these two fields should act in concert to provide efficacious treatments and contribute to raise public awareness about
health
.
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IELTS essay Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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