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Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from government in order for them continue with their work

Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from government in order for them continue with their work bYrrY
Nowadays Artist Are Not Getting Good Salaries And Finding Difficulty in continuing With Their Work. Getting Funded By Government Is Alternative But I Disagree That Government Should Provide Funds In Order To Continue With Their Works. I Believe That There Are Several Necessity Which is more Prominent than Providing Funds To Artist Likewise In Our Country Children Are Not Getting Good education which Is Most Precious For Consideration. Providing Healthy Lifestyle Is Most Important Factor For People relatively Providing Money For art Works Even In Our country Most OF The People Suffered From Water Supply In There Home And Finding Difficulty In Surviving In Life. I Believe that Government Should Focused On Children Education Which is Enormous Issue Of Country. For Instance 70% Of Student Leave Study Due To Lack Of Money. Funding For Artist Cut Down Government Spending On Numerous Things Whereas Today In Modern World No One Care for Arts And Artist So Spreading Art Work is not Worth And Spending On it Also Waste OF Time, money and efforts Despite Contribution Towards providing Health Is much Important. For Instance In World Every Year majority OF Die Due To Lack OF Food Every Thing Have Two Aspect So After Highlighting Merits OF Not Contributing More For Arts I Would Like To Put Some Light On Necessity Of Funding For artists. Traditional Culture For Art Will Ruin When Artist Did Not earn Good Salary They Left Artist Occupation And Joined Any Other Work. IN Conclusion Providing Necessity Things Is More Important Than expenditure On Arts.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artist
Are Not Getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
Salaries And Finding Difficulty in continuing With Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
. Getting Funded By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
Is Alternative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I Disagree That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
Should Provide Funds In Order To Continue With Their Works. I Believe That There Are
Possible agreement error. The noun Necessity seems to be countable; consider using: "Several necessities".
Several Necessity
Which is more Prominent than Providing Funds To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artist
Likewise
In Our Country Children Are Not Getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
education which Is Most Precious For Consideration.

Providing Healthy Lifestyle Is Most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Important
Factor For
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
relatively
Providing Money For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
Works Even In Our country Most OF The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
Suffered From Water Supply In There Home And Finding Difficulty In Surviving In Life. I Believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
Should
The verb 'Should' requires the base form of the verb: "focus"
Focused
On Children Education Which is Enormous Issue Of Country.
For Instance
70% Of Student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Leave
Study Due To Lack Of Money.

Funding For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Cut
Down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
Spending On Numerous Things Whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
In Modern World No One Care for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Spreading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
is not Worth And Spending On it
Also
Waste OF Time, money and efforts Despite Contribution Towards providing Health Is much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Important
.
For Instance
In World Every Year majority OF
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Die
Due To Lack OF Food

Every Thing Have Two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'Aspect' seems to be countable, so consider using: "aspects".
Aspect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
After Highlighting Merits OF Not Contributing More For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
I Would Like To Put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Light On Necessity Of Funding For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
. Traditional Culture For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
Will Ruin When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artist
Did Not earn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
Salary They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Left
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artist
Occupation And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Joined
Any Other Work.

IN Conclusion
Providing Necessity Things Is More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Important
Than expenditure On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
.
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IELTS essay Most artists earn low salaries and should therefore receive funding from government in order for them continue with their work

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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