Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

more young adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs

more young adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs n1byR
Moving towards to 21st century, a large number of people nowadays expressing a deeply growing concern about more young adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. In fact, it is widely believed that living with parents after graduated have many advantages. However, others argue convincingly that there are some disadvantages to living with parents when having job. As far as I concerned, I wholeheartedly with the former argument and some major points will be addressed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there is a clear evidence for people to defend the latter argument. Actually, it is a well-document fact that living with parents will be more responsibility. For instance, we have to do the house work like washing dishes, clean up the house or even change clothes for both parents and children. On the other hand, there are number of points for people to defend the former argument. First and foremost, it is commonly accepted that living with parents will have us to take care of children. The most obvious example to prove is that when go to work but your child be sick, parents will help to take care of until you go back home. Equally important, it is no doubt that parents will help us about the financial problems. For example, in this Covid-19, parents share the fee of food or they buy many things can be necessary to your lovely house. All things considered, it is my strong belived that living with parents after graduated have many advantages. Accordingly, I strongly recommended that the government should enhance people’s awareness in terms of living with parents. If this recommendation is carried out, the comprehensive development of our next generations will be ensured.
Moving towards to 21st century,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays expressing a
deeply
growing concern about more young adults continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
even after they have completed education and found jobs. In fact, it is
widely
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
after graduated have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.
However
, others argue
convincingly
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when having job. As far as I concerned, I
wholeheartedly
with the former argument and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major points will
be addressed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to defend the latter argument. Actually, it is a well-document fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will be more responsibility.
For instance
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
work like washing dishes, clean up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
clothes for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and children.

On the other hand
, there are number of points for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to defend the former argument.
First
and foremost, it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will have us to take care of children. The most obvious example to prove is that when go to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
your child be sick,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to take care of until you go back home.
Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, it is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us about the financial problems.
For example
, in this Covid-19,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
share the fee of
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food or
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things can be necessary to your lovely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

All things considered, it is my strong
Possible spelling mistake found.
belived
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
after graduated have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.
Accordingly
, I
strongly
recommended that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. If this recommendation
is carried
out, the comprehensive development of our
next
generations will
be ensured
.

IELTS essay more young adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • more young adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs