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More people spend money .not keep it .what cause? Positive and negatives development?

More people spend money. not keep it. what cause? Positive and negatives development? JmmB
In this highly competitive era if the 21st century, it has become indispensable for everyone to spend money on fulfilling their needs. Several individuals choose to expand cash rather than keeping it. In this essay, I shall discuss the reasons associated with the given idea and given my opinion, on it in the further paragraph. To begin with, there are several reasons to spend money. First and foremost, people have to pay cash to fulfil their basic needs. For example, we all pay for food, clothes and so on. So, they live a better lifestyle. Secondly, we have to spend money on entertainment purposes. This way not only enjoys their hobbies but also uphold the image of a person in society. Also, their lifestyles are generally different from another folk. However, it is unfavourable consequences for the individual and society as a whole. Firstly, a larger number of people think that saving is very important because life is unpredictable. For or instance, if any family members are discovery any major health problems. So, that time this bread help that family to pay off the treatment fee more easily. Furthermore, after some age people are not able to do work the same as above because they are not physically fit. so, this money can be useful in future. This way of living is essential as it keeps a person stress free. In conclusion, I believe that spend cash on necessary items its good but savings also equally important for our future life and secure people unease feeling when any an emergency emerges.
In this
highly
competitive era if the 21st century, it has become indispensable for everyone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on fulfilling their needs. Several individuals choose to expand cash
rather
than keeping it. In this essay, I shall discuss the reasons associated with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
my opinion, on it in the
further
paragraph. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay cash to fulfil their basic needs.
For example
, we all pay for food, clothes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better lifestyle.
Secondly
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on entertainment purposes. This way not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enjoys their hobbies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
uphold the image of a person in society.
Also
, their lifestyles are
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from another folk.
However
, it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
consequences for the individual and society as a whole.
Firstly
, a larger number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that saving is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
life is unpredictable. For or instance, if any family members are discovery any major health problems.
“So , that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, that
time this bread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
that family to pay off the treatment fee more
easily
.
Furthermore
, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to do work the same as above
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
physically
fit.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be useful
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. This way of living is essential as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free.
In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
cash on necessary items its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
savings
also
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for our future life and secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unease feeling when any an emergency emerges.
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IELTS essay More people spend money. not keep it. what cause? Positive and negatives development?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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