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More children in developing countries are becoming overweight. What the causes and effects

More children in developing countries are becoming overweight. What the causes and effects RVWe8
The population of obese children is getting increased day in and day out especially in affluent nations. This generally happens due to unhealthy diet and sedentary life. It takes a heavy toll on overall growth. To begin with, there are numerous reasons why they are obese. First one, excessive use of unhealthy food daily as most of the parents are busy in their job in order to earn handsome salary and cannot cook food for them. Therefore, they prefer to eat out which is directly effect their physical development such as Wesavkar immune system.
The population of obese children is getting increased day in and day out
especially
in affluent nations. This
generally
happens due to unhealthy diet and sedentary life. It takes a heavy toll on
overall
growth. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous reasons why they are obese.
First
one, excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of unhealthy food daily as most of the parents are busy in their job in order to earn handsome salary and cannot cook food for them.
Therefore
, they prefer to eat out which is
directly
effect their physical development such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wesavkar
immune system.
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IELTS essay More children in developing countries are becoming overweight. What the causes and effects

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
94 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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